Nothing Says "I Love You" Like a Bucket of Blood

As an employee at a movie theatre, I can’t help but notice how popular scary movies are. Something about them just draws in couples of every age. Girls always come running out screaming, and sometimes crying, from scary movies, and I can’t help but laugh. The twisted minds of women cause producers to take Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to make some money by releasing a few chillers to spice up some dull relationships.

Two perfectly good psychological reasons that people feel the need to watch scary movies are simply the feeling of needing and being needed, and getting the rush of a good fright. Most girls that watch scary movies do so with a male present, so that she is able to take refuge with him if the movie does, indeed, frighten her. The present male then receives the satisfaction of having to “protect” the aforementioned girl from the horrifying effects that were skillfully placed in the movie to scare her in the first place. It is wimpy couples like this keeping the scary movie industry in business. Seriously though, when screaming is drowning out the murderous laughter of Freddy Kruger, it’s time to get rid of her.

If you are one of those people that just sits on the floor, eating popcorn and laughs like a hyena when everyone dies during any kind of scary movie, then you have deeper issues than just wanting to be hugged. You most likely watch them out of pure enjoyment and have a partner that likes to sit and laugh at horror flicks with you. In this case, you’re probably really drawn to the supernatural events that occur in the movies, and find the unlikelyhood that any of the obscurities could actually happen in real life. Who cares if you don’t jump into your partner’s arms when the killer jumps out of the attic to attack the protagonist? Chances are, you’ll both enjoy the movie just as much as the pansy couple mentioned above. Besides, you are the couple that get to keep your dignity and pride while doing so.

There are quite a few different reasons why a couple would want to watch a scary movie on a day like Valentine’s Day, but these three are probably the most common throughout this school, because it’s not like the sight of all that gore and violence excites any of us.... No. We’re all perfectly sane here. Some of the other reasons for enjoying scary movies involve deeply-rooted emotional issues that mostly sociopaths would encounter, and I think it best to not get too deep into those details. I wouldn’t want to wake any of your inner-psychopaths.