HIV/AIDS: A Growing Pandemic - Comments

iMMA.Start.A.riOt. I don't think what you said about Africans not having access to pills or condoms is true. The struggling countries in Africa have been supplied with pills and condoms from other African countries as well as countries from other continents. There may be a shortage of hospitals but that is slowly being worked on.

I think I agree with what you were trying to say, but the guys below me are correct. America isn't responsible for other countries' problems. Besides, I think HIV/AIDS is slowly being eradicated because people are starting to understand the risks of unsafe sex. Right now the biggest problem is getting the people suffering from it to admit that they have it, and get the required treatment, and that isn't just a problem that occurs in Africa. I would know, I lived in Botswana located in Africa for about 7 years. It's not one of the struggling countries but it helps other struggling countries.

godless, first of all, Farce. is right, and secondly, did the Pope mortally offend you or something?


As to the article, anything I had to say was written below me. For the context you wrote this in, your artifcle was fine. But for a more serious setting (funny that Mibba is considered more serious, lol), a bit of editing would have been good.

godless, I don't think the Pope has much significant influence anymore. I doubt AIDS?HIV is his doing.

And it could all be helped if the Pope would just go away...

I used in text citations, but mibba edited it and put the source at the end. Thank you for your imput ! :)

When you quote something you have to cite your source immediately after the quote; you can't just cite at the end of your article. Right now it looks like random quotes with no speaker or evidence.

Your emotional appeal is good; you just need to work on your credibility and logic.

Thank you for your input. However, I was talking about the people in Africa. They don't have many hospitals, or access to pills or condoms. I was trying to raise awareness on World AIDS Day. The reason I talked about America helping was that this article was sent to President Barack Obama, and I wrote this for my AP World History 9 class. Thank you for the suggestions! :)

There are plenty of options. The most common treatment for HIV if it's caught early is one pill, once or twice a day. Maybe pharmaceutical companies can offer free or discounted medicine to poor regions of Africa (with a charitable tax deduction, might I add). The solution to a problem is not always just to throw money at it. Also, the title is contradicted within your article. The title states that the problem of HIV is growing, but the article states that it is shrinking. Since the latter is more accurate, it would be best to change the title so that it does not mislead the readers.

And, like the person below me said, it's not America's job to fix all of the problems in the world, especially when she can't overcome her own problems (i.e. homelessness, disease, poverty, racism, sexual discrimination, disability and age discrimination, economic instability...). People need to stop placing the burden of the world's problems on America's shoulders.

HIV isn't a death sentence like it used to be. Men and women with HIV can have HIV-negative babies now. Drugs can be used to lessen the effects of the disease. The biggest problem is not how widespread it is, but the fact that we don't know how widespread it is. It is estimated that in the UK, 1/4 of the people infected do not know. So, if people would just go get tested, then it would be much easier to eradicate HIV. It's not so much a lack of funding to find a cure so much as a lack of usage of the methods of control we already have.

In reference to the article itself, it could use a lot of improvement.
-You use vague, general terms like "many people". Yes, there are many people with HIV. But how many? Any rough guess? You say that hospitals are struggling. Could you provide a specific example? Which hospital in particular is struggling the most?
-The article seemed mostly meant to inspire guilt among US citizens for not doing what you deem to be enough to fight HIV. You say twice that US citizens need to send money to Africa. For one, it is redundant to say the same thing twice in shorter article like this one. For another, it ignores all of the other options that are available other than sending vast sums of cash.
-You repeat the same words over and over again. You said the word “help” three times in the last paragraph alone. A better way to phrase this would have been to think of synonyms, such as “assist”.

All in all, I’d give this article about a three out of five. It’s a good idea, but there is definitely room for improvement.

We won't ALL die from HIV and AIDS in the future. That’s very far from the truth because there are precautions that can be taken to prevent the catching of the disease or passing it on.

I liked the facts and all about the article. You did good citing a source.

I don’t think it’s as simple you made it seem when you said, “the people of the United States of America need to help these people. We can send money and help work for a cure. This could help many people, and save many lives.” Americans can’t even take care of themselves. Have you seen the condition of the economy? Most people aren’t really in the position to help out. Why is it always big, bad America’s job to fix epidemics? Why not Britain? France? Germany?

Yes, money can be sent out to help but it’s not going to help if people aren’t using condoms or preventing pregnancy. All the money in the world won’t help if people there don’t start taking care of themselves and others.

I thought the article was good but could have used more suggestions besides just sending money.

Thank you, I wrote it for World History Class!

If something isn't done about HIV/Aids in the next few decades, we'll ALL die. This is a great article, based on true facts.