Seconds, Anyone?

"And for second place, we have Unimportant Person No. 234632767!" Cheers rock the stands; confetti flies like birds, shimmering down like multi-colored rain.

You can wake up now.

Pop quiz time. Subject: seconds.

Who was the second man to walk on the moon? What's that you say? The guy behind Neil Armstrong?

No. That would be Buzz Aldrin.

Who was the second place winner of the most recent national Spelling Bee? You don't know? Why, it's Sidharth Chand!

American Idol, everyone's favorite show. Who place second the first season?

No. Not Fantasia.

Oh yeah, and who was the second woman to graduate from college? Yeah, I don't know either. Who was the second zombie victim in the novel World War Z? Come on, now, I know you can remember.

The point is: No one wants to come in second. Who wakes up craving to stand in someone else's shadow: I hardly think you would walk onto the set of America's Next Top Model and think to yourself, "Boy, I really want to come in second!"

If ever there was something no one ever wants to hear, it's "Yeah, you both did really good, but Joe here, yeah. He's better than you." No mean is as wonderful the second time around.

Why is it so terrible to come in second? Why wouldn't you want to have to peer over someone else's shoulders to see the cameras and fame?

Uh, duh. You want to feel good about what you did, not walk away knowing that you could have done better.

But maybe this fear of coming in second isn't only self-induced. I mean, it's not like the media has no hand in the exposure of "the big one." Names in flashing lights, millions of copies sold, front page articles, the whole she-bang. I don't know about you people out there, but I think that's a little unfair.

Have you ever had a competition where the first place winner was only one point ahead of second? You notice how first is bombarded with "Good job!" and "Keep up the good work!"? And how second is behind the stage being reprimanded by his mom and being told he could and should have done better?

And what about when there's a tie? Oh, no! Not a tie! People just can't have two winners. God forbid you share the prize. So there's a tie-breaker.

Second-born child, I know there's a bunch out there. Most of the time, isn't it true that your parents tell you how you "should be more like your older sibling" and "well, Bobby never did that."?

News flash to the World: Second is better than first. You want to know why?

Because second doesn't have to "keep up the good work." They have the luxury of getting better, and they don't always have the nagging voice in their head that tells them they'll disappoint everyone.

Second is better because, in the long run, they're going to be around longer. They'll be able to look back on Mr. First's grave and remember how hard he worked just for that "A" on the spelling test.

So, just for kicks. . .

Who was the second president of the United States of America?