Mourner With No Ride

"Dear Dru,

I have a problem my dad passed away a few months ago, & I'd like to visit him more, his grave I mean. I feel that that will help me to slowly let go & accept his death. My problem is my gram & dad didn't get along since they weren't related. So since she's my only form of transportation, I need to find a way to ask her to take me to the graves more often, also its kind of hard to speak to him with her there.

How do I bring this up to her?

Sincerely, mourner with no ride."

---

No Ride,

Firstly, please accept my condolences on the loss of your father.

Is your grandmother an extremely confrontational person? If the answer is yes, I would try writing down a letter for her. If not, trying speaking to her face to face. Try explaining to her that although your father was not her child, he was your father and that his loss has been difficult on you. Tell her that you would like to visit the cemetery more as you think it would be therapeutic in helping you move on.

Ask if you could go once or twice a week (or more, if necessary) and that you would willing to make out a schedule for what days you will go. Ask if she would be willing to wait in the car because if the trips become more frequent there will be less you’ll need to talk to him about each trip because you’ll be more up-to-date.

If gas is a problem, offer to supplement chores in exchange for gas money. Impress upon her that you understand her feelings in regards to your father and that you would hope she would respect yours as her grandchild.

I really hope everything gets sorted out for you.

Sincerely,
Dru

---

"Dear Dru,

So okay basically, I was with this guy for six months. I'm pretty sure I actually loved him, but towards the end everything he did just really started to annoy me. And I told him that I didn't really feel the same way about him as I used to. We didn't break up but we didn't talk for a few days.

About three days later, we were talking. I had decided that I did want to stick it out the summer with him and see how things went. But he didn't want to be with someone who didn't have feelings like he did. So we broke up - fair enough. But, right after he told me this and we had agreed that we were going to try to be friends, he told me that he kissed his ex the night before. That was a no-go for me, so I basically walked away from him.

We didn't talk for a few weeks, and around mid-summer I texted him. I was over the drama of it all, and I thought he should know. He was pretty glad about it so that was whatever. At the end of the summer, he went a few hours away to go to university, while I stayed home. We still talked and he had revealed to me (through drunken text) that he still loved me and wanted me back, but it was still a no-go for me.

I dated someone else one night and ended up spending the night texting my ex. He freaked at me cause I was with this guy and again, I told him to get over me.

Then, he went and got himself a girlfriend. And the only word to describe me was jealous. It turned my stomach every time I ever thought of this girl. But he and I were still talking.

So last weekend, I was having a couple of drinks with some friends, and of course, I pulled out the phone and texted him. I basically let him know how I felt about him being with this girl and how I thought I regretted not taking him back. He told me that he still loved me, and would dump me for this girl any second.

However, as you can probably guess, the next morning I wasn't feeling so confident in my decision to spill my guts. And I'm still not.

The whole point of this novel background story, is that he is out for Christmas. We've texted (never talked face to face) and he's told me that he really wants me to consider getting back together. Keep in mind, he's still got this girlfriend (but apparently he's breaking up with her anyway).

Oh! And before you say it, I would know for sure if he had planned to still be with her when he went back to school. One of my close friends goes to school with him and it's guaranteed he'd tell me. Plus, on this island, things never stay secret for long.

Basically, I just want your opinion. If you were me, and had to make the choice to get back with this guy or not, given what I've told you, what would you do?

Sincerely,
Flummoxed"

---

Flummoxed,

It’s really hard in situations where you love someone and things end to not go back. When my ex left me, I never had the opportunity to go back, but I’m sure I would have taken it even though it would have been a bad idea.

I think that, at least for the time being, you should stop texting him. Texting him will just keep your mind reeling and spinning. (I had to delete my ex from my phone because I didn’t trust myself.) Just tell him you’re really busy and you might not be able to reply to texts for awhile.

He cheated on you. Yes, you were in a bit of a tiff, but you were not broken up. He kissed his ex-girlfriend. He’s telling you right now that he would dump another girl for you. Essentially, he’d dump his current girlfriend for an ex. He seems like the type of a guy that likes to have a woman waiting in case things don’t work out with the current woman.

There’s no guarantee that things will work out with you. You may get annoyed again and he may kiss another girl again. He may text another girl while you’re dating and say he’d dump you for her in a second.

I think you need to stay away from him for at least a few months. Try to get out and do some fun stuff to take your mind off of him. Don’t ask your friend what he’s up to. And, then, if you still want to, try and text him just to see where he’s at in life. It’s very difficult to remain friends with an ex.

Sincerely,
Dru