Ready To Cut The Complicated Apron Strings

"Dear Dru,

I'm 20 years old and still living with my father. It's not that I like it, quite the opposite. He gives me no freedom whatsoever because a few years ago I tried to commit suicide. Ever since then, he hasn't let me do anything alone. I'm fine now, and I realize how stupid I had been. I have medicine, and I don't personally like taking it, but it's not as if someone has to shove the pill down my throat. I want to leave. I want to live on my own and try to have a life. I know I can just take off and leave since I'm no longer a minor, but that would be a bit harsh. I don't want to hurt my dad, but I don't know how much longer I can stand being watched 24/7.

How do I prove to him that I'm truly okay?

Sincerely yours,
Ready to Cut the Apron Strings"

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Dear Ready,

It's never easy for a parent when a child leaves, especially a child with a mental disorder. Ask my mom. Not that I would say he's in the wrong, but I think he probably has good (albeit misguided) intentions. That aside, I think you need to sit down and have a talk with your father.

Tell him that you will be moving out in ___ weeks/months. Tell him that you're taking your medication and you are doing a lot better, and therefore you feel that it's time for you to be out on your own. Tell him you understand that he's probably nervous about it and suggest (nicely) that if he were to relax on you before you left that he might feel better about you leaving. He would be able to see that you're going to make good decisions when the reigns aren't tight around your neck.

If he slacks up and you decide to stay, good for you. If he slacks up and you still want to leave, just visit him. If he doesn't slack up, stick to your deadline but come back to visit him often. Let him know that he's still needed and love.

Sincerely,
Dru

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'Dear Dru,

Last weekend, I took my first Morning After Pill. Long story short, condom broke and I freaked out. My boyfriend's parents are the ones who bought me the pill and at the time they kept telling me it'd be ok because I'm way too young to be a mother.

Now they're saying that I use their son for sex and they're calling me his tab. They read the messages on his phone and misunderstood a lot of them, so now they think that we didn't use a condom and that I give their son drugs. (I don't know how they got all that). They're pissed as Hell at me because I apparently killed their first grandchild and I'm a low life.

I don't know what to do now. I used to have a lot of trust in his parents, now I don't feel welcome there at all and they don't want me to celebrate Christmas with them. His mom is also threatening to tell my mom all about my personal life and a lot of that my mom doesn't know and I'm not ready to tell her yet.

I just don't want them to hate me anymore.

Sincerely,
Tied in knots'

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Dear Tied,

Wow, this really is a pickle. My apologies. I hope this can be sorted out.

Ask his parents if you can talk. If they agree, tell them that you deeply appreciate what they did when they bought you the MA pill. Tell them that you aren't using their son for sex, that sex is simply a part of your relationship, and a part that you take seriously which is why you were using protection.

Tell them that if they had thought the MA pill was wrong and a sin they should have discussed it with you and you wouldn't have thought to put something like that on their shoulders.

Explain that you liked having their trust and you're not sure what you did to break it, as you've felt you've been honest with them. Explain that they have every right to read their son's texts (even though I abhor it) but that some things are probably being taken out of context without knowing the whole conversation.

Ask what you can do (even though it's not your fault) to repair the situation. Hopefully they'll listen.

Sincerely,
Dru

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