Control: The Centre to Human Nature

We all love having a small portion of control, and in every situation our levels of control and power will vary. Yet, there are times when it is inevitable that as a person, we will feel as though we have no control and indeed are completely powerless. No one likes this feeling, for it is of course the least pleasant of feelings. It can lead to depression, anxiety, anger and even more physical down feelings. So how does one go from being powerless in one situation to being completely in control in another situation?

The answer is one of relative simplicity. It involves one's cognitive functions, thus their brain ability and their intelligence. According to thinkers such as Gardner (1983) we have multiple intelligences, and so we will naturally excel at some things, but not others. Consequently, some may be better at emotional thinking (or have a higher level of emotional intelligence, see Goleman 1995). This is simply one way in which we gain power.

For example, when having a conversation with a friend, they say to you that they have split up with their partner. Of course, this situation is one which you may or may not have experienced. The likelihood is that you may, and may indeed have yourself split from a relationship. Thus, you will likely understand what they are going through. This is a form of emotional intelligence. However, should one be lacking in such emotional intelligence and/or essential social skills, this situation may prove more difficult. For those two factors would suggest that the individual is lacking in empathy (this of course does not mean they are of a psycho/sociopathic nature, simply they are short on certain forms of emotional intelligence).

Would this then change the situation?

Completely. Whereas before, when you were a person with an empathic nature and understanding for the situation, you would likely comfort the friend and take a form of social control. This meaning you would direct the conversation emotional trajectory to one which would hopefully allow for a resolution of the problem. By this I mean your ultimate goal would be to stop the friend being upset - if indeed they are upset but that is another story.

Without such empathic skills however, this would not be likely to happen. For a lack of understanding of the situation would bring the conversation to a close. As likely as not you would not wish to discuss the topic for it evades your intelligence, thus you would have lost control of the situation due to a lack of emotional intelligence.