To Love, or Not to Love?

Despite my age, I’ve come to a conclusion. I’ll be called a naïve fourteen year old who has no idea what the world has in store for her, but I believe what is in store for me is my choice. I’m sure that someone might take a girl like me – who is highly opinionated – seriously. So, I’ll come right out and say it – I don’t believe in me falling in love. I don’t want to. I don’t need to. I plan to avoid such. I’d rather write about love than experience it.

Living in the world that we live in today, you’ll always hear about dating. Who’s dating who? Who’s doing this, that, him, her? It’s all about ‘dating.’ But you see, in Alabama, where I’m currently attending school, I’ve realized that dating is more of a fad here. Not to mention that no one really dates here. They establish the fact that they like one, that one likes them back, so they decide to be ‘official.’ They skip the actual building up to a real relationship and just basically label themselves as an item. So, here, living in Alabama, and attending my school, I’ve realized it’s a fad.

Why a fad you say? In the fifth grade girls considered certain boys their boyfriends. And now, they claim to be in love – at age fourteen. I’ve come to the conclusion myself, that at this age – fourteen – you cannot process certain emotions they claim to process, or feel. In saying so, in my opinion, ‘dating’ isn’t really ‘dating.’

How has this affected my out look on love? It is not only this. My mother grew up an independent woman. Yes, she had a few problems with men, wife beaters and such, and showed how she stood strong and lived through it all. All her life she was talked down, told she would never be able to amount to anything, or raise me. She’s proven everyone wrong. She’s proven to me, that a woman does not need a man. “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle,” she always says. So, a better half isn’t needed. But who didn’t know that?

Another reason for my dislike of the concept of me finding ‘true love’ is that all my life, I’ve been through many things. My mother had Breast Cancer and is now a seven year survivor. I was diagnosed with depression. And I basically had to grow up quickly in between doctor appointments with cancer doctors and hospital visits. The idea of independence, especially at this age, is inevitable. But I dislike the idea. I’ve always, no matter how proud I was, had to depend on someone mentally, only proving to others how dependent and helpless I was.

With my past, I guess I could say ‘independence’ is a big part of the matter. I don’t like the idea of falling in love and depending and needing that person, only to feel rejected and unloved in the end. I want to prove myself that I don’t need it.

But then there is the most important reason. The reason that no one can argue with. This reason is one that you can’t ask “why” because you won’t get the answer you want. I just don’t want to fall in love. Despite the fad it happens to be here and how practically it’s made fun of, my past, and dependency issues, I just don’t have any desire for that certain connection with someone. I don’t need someone telling me they love me, because I choose not to need that. I don’t want to deal with the mess, the drama.

I don’t desire any sort of emotional connection with any man or any other woman. I feel complete just the way I am, and hope that I always will be. I am my other half.

But then there’s reality. I’m only fourteen. What really may happen is that I’ll most likely ‘fall in love’ with the first sucker I find, deny it, and live years of drama. But, I can choose what’s in store for me. But…then there’s the question….why not?

Why not fall in love? Why not give it a chance. But think of this. Why do we seek out love? The real adults who can process love, why do we ‘want’ to in the first place?

“Our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness,” says Professor Arthur Aron from State University of New York at Stonybrook. “One of the ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. We have learned in our research that it is important to feel that you have the ability to be an effective person, especially in our relationships.”

Well, does this necessarily mean that we have to ‘fall in love’ to do so? Can’t this be achieved through friendships? We can ‘accomplish relationships with other people’ on friendly levels just as easily and just as effective, right? Love isn’t needed, in my opinion. It’s yearned for.

But I guess sometimes it can’t be helped. To face reality, I can’t predict my future. I can control the present which is to sit back. Finding true love is the last thing on my mind, as it should be for everyone else, in my opinion. At this age, dating shouldn’t be a factor in everyday life. In fact, it’s the ‘last’ thing on my list to be worrying about. I’m the least boy-crazy girl I know… If I get lonely, I could always get a cat, I guess.