I hope everything gets better for you and your family, but I'm glad to know that you are still going strong and holding on. It takes a lot of courage to do something like that. And know that nothing that has happened is your fault, you may want to blame yourself or something just so you can tell yourself there is an answer. Truth is... shit happens to good people, but it happens for a reason. No one can really know the reason. You know that your mother loved you very much and that right now, she's looking down from heaven at you. I'm sure she knows how hard this must be for you, and you shouldn't feel bad for any past things you might have done; you were just trying to fill the void. I think maybe you should visit her, talk to her... it sounds weird but I believe that there is life after death and we are never truly dead after we've died. Keep going strong, but maybe you need to face whats got you hurt.
Keep going strong, but maybe you need to face whats got you hurt.