I need advice, please! (Also, a lot of ranting) - Comments

@spacejunkie OOOHHH you're right...I didn't think about the way I worded it.

Yea, K is probably the person that believes they are always right, and if you even hint at that she is being dramatic, she will immediately retreat. If anything, it'll add to the fuel.
But I still think you should get your feelings across...without that "D" word. XD

V I get that this person is trying to be helpful and has had an experience of their own, but please, whatever you do, don't tell your friend that you won't be involved in her 'drama'. This trivialises her problems and will probably make her resent you.

Encouraging the two to talk things out by themselves is a worthwhile idea, but I would never, ever force them to by putting them in the same room against their wishes, etc. This could make things worse, and also make them both start blaming you.

I would try to avoid making this about your feelings, if I were you. That just turns it into a three-way fight, as everybody is hurting too much to reach out to anybody else.

The one thing the poster below me is right about, however, is pointing fingers. Don't do that. Aim to diffuse the situation. It doesn't matter who was right or wrong (probably nobody was strictly in the right- emotional problems are complicated like that), and you shouldn't be looking for solutions that place one person in debt of forgiveness to the other. The important thing is that it ends.

hmmm...friendship fights, pretty rough isn't it? =/ I had to deal with it once...though it wasn't this bad.

From what I see, M started it by saying something completely insensitive. It's one thing if K was using her uncle's cancer to get sympathy from other people and just kept on bugging her about it, but if she just said it out of nowhere, I can understand where K is coming from. But you said that M was having a bad day. It may have been out of nowhere, but she had a reason to snap like that. Then I think if she apologized, she isn't in the wrong.

But now with that said, I think K is overreacting, and now she's not being a good friend to you. Who is she to control who you're friends with? She has no power over you so she can't dictate who you do or do not talk to. She should grow up a bit.
If you're a good friend, you can't force a friend to fight your battles. It's not fair.

My advice? Put both of them in the same room and tell them what you're telling us. Now, K might start flipping out and start her tantrums. But if she does, now you have the right to snap. No, really. Sometimes when it comes to people caught up in the drama, you have to raise your voice a bit. (I know I had to.)

"WHY can't you even HEAR ME OUT? Do my feelings on this not matter? I CAN'T FIGHT YOUR DRAMA; I WON'T."

K might not like it, but if she's even a remote friend, she would not like seeing you hurt. And she will listen.

Tell them how you feel, and what you wish to happen. Maybe something small like, have them talk to each other again. If you have to, be the mediator of the conversation between the three of you. Then M can apologize again, and really explain, even if she has before. Maybe this time K will listen, and open up.

One thing you shouldn't do is POINT FINGERS. Something like "Well, I feel like you are being too dramatic."
That would just make a person defensive. Instead, just talk about your own feelings about this, like how you are hurt by all this conflict, and how you miss how it used to be. And that your thought should matter too.

I also agree with what spacejunkie said; she brings up quite a few good points. His/Her method could work too.
Hope this helps a bit. =D

It's perfectly okay to say that you want to be supportive of your friend without getting involved.

You don't have to explain why you think your being involved would make things worse (although what you should know privately is that the more people are caught up in a fight, the more it escalates and the longer it takes to end), as this only exposes you to accusations of being uncaring or unhelpful. Just tell your friend that you value her friendship, but you don't want to fight. Whether she's being selfish, etc. is irrelevant. You can't reason with her if she is- her reaction will be emotional, and therefore irrational. You just have to let it slide.

Try inviting your friend places or involving her in activities that are a distraction from the fight. That might make her feel better, and that way you can also be supportive without having to talk about something that makes you uncomfortable. Failing that, just back off and leave your friend alone for a bit until she calms down, if you can do that without being called out as a deserter.

Worst come to worst, you have to accept that one of your friends might get cut with you for a while. This isn't your fault. There's nothing you can do about it except wait, and then see if you can patch things up when the hostilities die down. People often do things they regret, including lashing out at friends, when they are really upset. Often they will be willing to forgive and forget later.