First off, I'm sorry you feel that way, I've been feeling pretty shitty lately too and it's not easy trying to get out of that rut.
Secondly, please don't try to live your life according to someone else. Your brother is being really insensitive and selfish, and you of all people don't deserve to be treated that way. He shouldn't be the reason why you do certain things, because it isn't going to end in anything good for you. You have to take care of yourself and not worry about what others are doing. Take it one step at a time to not hate yourself, and vent to someone about it. Because harboring all that negativity is going to make you sick, and that leads to depression and suicidal thoughts.
If you need someone to vent to, PM me if you'd like.
pretty shitty lately too and it's not easy trying to get
out of that rut.
Secondly, please don't try to live your life according to someone else.
Your brother is being really insensitive and selfish, and you of all people
don't deserve to be treated that way. He shouldn't be the reason why
you do certain things, because it isn't going to end in anything good
for you. You have to take care of yourself and not worry about what
others are doing. Take it one step at a time to not hate yourself, and
vent to someone about it. Because harboring all that negativity is going
to make you sick, and that leads to depression and suicidal thoughts.
If you need someone to vent to, PM me if you'd like.
Stay strong.
<3