Everything's just been going wrong lately. - Comments

I understand your feelings completely. I'm that guy too that listens to everyone's problems and no one wants to listen to mine. I only have one person I can really really tell them to, but she has her own problems and I don't want to bother her.

But I'm okay right now, so you can talk to me however you like. I'm sure you've heard this by other commenters, but when I say it, I mean it for real. It's better if you contact me another way, outside of mibba, maybe like in an email. If you ever want to talk, just ask and I'll PM you my email.

@ AHLICE
Maybe try reminding yourself when your mind turns to that, that fat comes off but no matter what you do it won't come off immediately. It's something you have to work at and in order for that to work, you have to eat something or your body won't have the energy to burn off the fat. I guess what I'm trying to say is to try and compromise with what your mind tells you? Tell yourself that maybe what you're eating isn't the most healthy thing ever, but as long as it's in moderation you'll be ok?

As for your dad, I wonder if trying to explain that you're exercising because you want to be happy with the way you look would help? I'm not sure that he'd listen, but if he understood that you're doing it to be healthy or because you aren't happy with your weight, if he'd hound you a little less if not stop hounding you entirely.

I know how you feel, often I've never spoken about my problems either and have always ended up listening to them. But I don't think you're fat, or ugly. There's always someone who may listen, and I hope you feel so much better soon. Seriously, if you need anyone to talk to, or vent to or anything, I am here, ok? <3

@ Oceanid.
That makes sense, but, you see, my brain doesn't work that way. I try and eat a healthy 1200-1400 calories a day, exercise moderately, and then it turns into dont eat that, don't eat that, don't even look at that, fat ass. you need to exercise harder, push yourself faster, this fat wont come off if you stuff your face, fat ass.

and then, another issue: no matter how healthily i'm losing weight, if i lose enough weight for my dad to just notice a little bit, he threatens to revoke my rights, yells at me to eat, and hounds me about if i have an eating disorder and how 'black girls don't get eating disorders' or pretty much calling me pathetic, etc. i never win.

@ AHLICE
I can understand turning to the things that make you happy, but do you have any alternatives to those? I mean, if losing weight makes you happy and you feel that you need to lose weight go for it but try to do it in a more healthy manner. Maybe a diet of some sort or just an exercise schedule?

@ Oceanid.
That all makes so much sense, it really does, though when I'm in that moment I feel like I have to just keep strong and neglect myself to help them. It's, unfortunately, how I've become, and its been taking a huge toll on me emotionally. I've been so close to just starving and compulsively exercising and purging again lately, but I've been trying my hardest to hold on and stop being stupid, but it's hard, you know? When starving and losing weight is literally the only thing that makes you happy and feel pretty and important anymore, then why the hell not.

I think that sometimes, even if speaking up brings the risk of seeming needy or attention-seeking, it's worth the risk. You're human and you have needs just like everyone else. It's shame the only person you feel you can turn to doesn't really see that. You may feel like you'll only be the back-up now, but I assure you that you'll be someone's first choice. It may not happen immediately, but it'll happen.

If you ever need anyone to vent to, feel free to PM me. I'll happily listen(or read in this case) and offer any advice I can.