Do we ever really fit in? - Comments

@ theycallmerae
Lol and there's nothing wrong with that. If people can't accept that then don't tell them to kick rocks, just pick one up and throw it at them!

@ OctoberA7X
Aww why thank you. And it takes a patient person to understand me lol.

@ theycallmerae
Why wouldn't you think it's endearing? It's takes a special kind of person to understand some one as unique as you. And special people never just fall into your lap.

@ OctoberA7X
Seriously, thank you so much! You definitely helped and made me feel better :) I jut really need to get a grip and get over shit. I do have someone I can be myself with and I'm afraid to screw that up as well. I guess my nerdiness isn't as endearing as I thought ahahaha

I think that all the people that have screwed you over are missing out on the best thing ever! I mean you are very generous...and you've done things that best friends wouldn't do. I don't care how close you are to me it would take a lot of money to stay up all night doing your paper!

Any how, you shouldn't have to do anything to fit in! Ever! You find the right people when you least expect it and pretty soon you will fit in so well that you will feel like you've had friends for years. Real friends you never have to do anything to fit in.

I stink at making people feel better but I hope this helped :)

@ Join the Masquerade
Thank you and I hope you are able to sort through everything as well. Thanks for the chat, you have a lot of wise things to say. It's a shame your friends aren't into serious conversations..they could learn a lot.

I hope you find that piece :)

@ Join the Masquerade
Yeah I think my mind just wants me to fear things, I have OCD so I know a lot of my fears are irrational but it's like your mind won't let you do anything about it. And it's okay about my marriage. It was always about him anyway, I am just trying to get a piece of myself back. And I agree you do have to overcome things on your own to truly learn how to deal with emotions.

I needed to hear that, too. It really helped. There are a lot of things that go through our heads that are just crap, really. And it all builds up into something that feels bigger, because it's been building and not because it means anything at all...

I'm sorry to hear that you're not connected to your partner anymore :/

She was absolutely lovely to talk to, but I know that for all it's worth, it's something I have to help myself with. People can tell me that my thoughts are irrational ones with the seeds coming from pessimism but it takes me to realise this for myself in the end. And I'm not ready to let that part of me go yet. I think there are things I've got to learn from the pessimism yet that I haven't got around to. And I might be wrong, but I feel that if I was then it'd be much easier to be happier all the time.

@ Join the Masquerade
" helped me to realise that just because we think something, doesn't make it so. Just because you think you aren't relating to somebody in a meaningful way, doesn't mean it's the truth."

I needed to hear something like this. I just, I am so appreciative of your advice. I am currently going to a counselor, of course it is a marriage counselor who is helping us to split as amicably as possible, but I got to go to her alone last week and she has asked me to do more sessions alone. I really enjoy talking to her. I will definitely have to take the time to read that.

Why do you think the counselor didn't help? If you don't mind me asking.

Yeah, I completely get that. I was seeing a counsellor for a while because I just felt so lost and like I had absolutely no one I connected with. I'm thinking about going back, but it didn't really help.
She told me that my quest to find this person that understood me touched her, and that I was a deep person and a deep thinker but that this could be and often was a bad thing for me. She took me through some meditation exercises and helped me to realise that just because we think something, doesn't make it so. Just because you think you aren't relating to somebody in a meaningful way, doesn't mean it's the truth.

I'm also a very emotional person. I try to invest more time in looking at the positive side of the darkness. I don't know how helpful this will be to you, but Drawn and Quartered by HIM, recently released, helped me remember a philosophy that I hold very close to heart. As Ville Valo writes it: "Every part of me wants to believe there's a darkness we need to feel for the brightest light to be seen and felt inside."

@ Join the Masquerade
I understand that completely. I would never get upset with people having other friends I just get upset that everyone seems to have something to bond over, something that makes them inseparable, and I don't really have that with anyone. I mean I have someone I can tell anything to and vice versa, but that still doesnt seem to be enough. I honestly think I am just in a bad place right now and I am taking everything to heart when really I should just shut off the emotions for a little bit. Unfortunately, I am a very emotional person so that is kind of hard to do. haha.

There can't be a conversation without listening. I hate when I'm the only one sharing deep things in a conversation like that. It's always clear when the other isn't going to take part in it, and it hurts because realising this is always too late. Like, you've already shared a part of you and it took something out of you to do so... and you need it returned.

My best friend has been my "best friend" since I was about 15, 16. Leaving primary school out of it, she's the only best friend I've ever had, and one of the only friends I still have. She's the only person besides a sort of boy friend that I actually see outside of work and university. Willingly. I deal with her by accepting that she has other friends and people that she's close to. We know each other well enough to know what we shouldn't discuss with one another, and how to have a conversation. I can tell her everything, but her replies are sometimes empty. They're only words. And I try to understand that it's not something she does on purpose. She genuinely wants everyone to be happy.
I would never bitch her out for having friends. That's not her fault. I still have her friendship, and I know she loves me as I love her. We're just sometimes distant. Our brains are wired differently.

I don't think it's possible to feel alone forever. I think eventually, we'll find someone that we really do believe understands us, or we'll unconsciously change our standards so that we are able to be understood. Like, the mind realises that it's not healthy to feel this way. Our minds are really good at deceiving us.

@ Join the Masquerade
It is comforting to know that there is someone out there that feels the same way. I also enjoy serious conversations. I love to talk but I also enjoy listening. I like to be there for people but when you're not needed its hard. How do you deal with your best friend? Have you ever confronted her? Is it hard on you? And I guess I could try and accept that. Seriously, thank you for taking the time to comment, I really appreciated it.

I mean I have considered people my best friend but no one has ever considered me as their best friend.

I get that. My best friend has several other people that come before me, including somebody that I introduced her to.

I find that I just don't get close to people in the way that I want. I love deep conversations but I find that whenever the conversation heads that way, the other will always make a sudden joke of the situation or say something like "let's talk about something else, this is weird/sad". It's like, ugh. Please talk to me. I write a lot so that I can have these conversations through other characters. It gives me a sense of relief just to play it out like that.

I don't really know what you could change. Maybe try to accept that it's hard to be understood if you make it hard.

You aren't crazy and everyone is always trying to fit in, so it's not just you.