Do you want advice, or do you want sympathy? - Comments

@ The Zac
I don't feel bad about myself for being so straight forward to her. But apparently, I was cruel. And now everyone's on her side, pointing out that I'm not skinny either. But I'm not dangerously overweight and don't go eating big macs every single day

As much as obese people call themselves chubby to feel better, they're not chubby. They're obese and they're sick. I think it's wonderful that people with a bit of pudge are loving themselves but "a bit of pudge" is not "morbidly obese and developing diabetes/cardiac issues/any other major health issue. Same goes for people who are dangerously underweight.

@ Damsel Of Darkness
Yeah sometimes it's best to just not. And then hope that the kid eventually realises how much of a moron she was in a few years time.

@ The Zac
Exactly. I said the same thing when I saw the blog... if you genuinely wanted to do it, then you wouldn't advertise it. Much less on a site like this one. But if I was to say that on the blog itself, I probably would've been attacked by everyone else who were sucked into the pity party. So I just said nothing, to save myself the drama.

@ Damsel Of Darkness
Yeah the suicide one is something that annoys the shit out of me. Suicide is no joke. But if someone genuinely wanted to do it, why make a big deal about it online? Wouldn't you just go and do it? But it's even worse when it's reasons like you said, whiny little problems or something unrelated to them.

I have to agree with you that so often I see extremely whiny blogs on this site, people feeling sorry for themselves and acting very woe is me. The amount of times I see younger users complaining about their parents not understanding them and making a huge drama out of practically nothing is ridiculous. Most of the time it can be written off as teenage angst and what not, so I don't even bother to comment... or if I do, I'll try to get them to see it from the parents point of view, which generally doesn't go down very well.

The other thing I can't stand is when I see blogs about wanting to commit suicide over a fight with their friend or something very petty. That pisses me off. Recently I saw one where she was saying "goodbye to mibba" because she was gonna go kill herself over something that happened, that to me, had nothing to do with her (her friend was ignored by another friend...) and I was absolutely disgusted, because it was clearly just a bid for attention and every single person that commented on it was all "oh my god, don't kill yourself! we love you! you're amazing...blah blah blah." Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not cold-hearted and if I came across a blog that genuinely seemed like the person was going to do themselves harm, I would comment and try to offer some sort of reason to reconsider their life's worth. Then I'd try to contact authorities or something in their hometown (if I could find out where they were) so something could be done about it. Thankfully I've never come across one like that, though.

But back to the point, I totally understand what you mean about being sick of trying to offer advice to someone who asks for it, but then gets offended when it doesn't go the way they wanted. It's exhausting and you can't end up but to become bitter and find yourself being somewhat half-assed in your advice giving to that person, coz you realise there's no point because they won't listen anyways.

People would much rather get told pretty lies than the harsh truth. They can't comprehend it any other way.

This all probably started from bratty kids getting whatever they want and when mommy or da da said "No", they let out a shit-storm of screams until they got their way.

@ The Doctor
I know what you mean. It seems that the definition of advice has changed to "agree with me and shower me with compliments".

Love this blog. I have to deal with this every day on this game I play. Well, don't have to, but seeing as I enjoy the game itself, I come across it a lot. It's like you have to say what you mean in the most nicest way or people will automatically get pissy about it, and even then, they still might get all offended. Lots of people don't seem to understand the difference between an offensive insult and a comment that is meant to be honest, but isn't necessarily what anyone wants to hear. I get this crap all the time. I keep telling myself, "Allie, don't say anything. Allie, don't bother with these tools," but nooooo. I still try. And for what? So many ungrateful pricks out there.

@ Kinki Jinki
Oh man don't get me started on that type of mentality. I could write a billion blogs on my disdain for "fat logic". But yeah I'm not a fan of this culture that it's just not okay to point out obesity. It gets even worse when a person goes on and on about how they want to lose weight and how they can't because of "genetics" or some other bullshit excuse. Rather than actually making a genuine effort.

You did the right thing by pointing that out to her. She's on a path to a plethora of health issues and if anything it makes you a better friend for being straight forward. You didn't insult her as a person you just pointed out the facts.

I don't even give advice anymore, people get pissed at me because I don't tell them what they want to hear, like "it's not your fault". I just go Bitch, it is your fault and you know it, what do you even need me for? -.-

@ WishingOnDeadStars
See at least you take the advice and acknowledge it as good. I'm not so arrogant to assume everything I say is good advice so I'll take myself out of the equation. What bugs me is when one person A gives person B genuinely good advice. It's what will at least help solve the problem. But person B doesn't like it because they're put at fault. People are trapped in this idea that they can do no wrong and any kind of criticism isn't viewed as "I'm bad at this thing, I should work on it". It's viewed as "Woah that person questioned me, what a dick".

I understand that it can be hard to put some advice into practice. It's much easier for a person sitting outside of the situation to point out how it can go better.

I have a friend who is very fat. Not just cutely chubby, seriously overweight. She keeps saying things to make people feel sorry for her and say "but no, you should love yourself the way you are, blah blah blah" and the other day, she was eating a big mac while I was eating a tuna salad and she was like "I dont know how I cant lose weight" and I said "maybe because you eat like that and dont do shit all day". She hasnt talked to me since and now I'm the bad guy

@ witch
I give my advice based solely on what the person tells me if I don't know the entire scenario. I'd rather make someone unhappy and come closer to solving the problem at hand than make them smile for half a second and bring them no closer to solving their problem. When I look at it emphatically, the times where I was sad or upset and didn't realise it was entirely my fault would have gone so much more smoothly if someone had straight up said "Zac, you're an idiot, and here's why".

Not everyone who posts blogs about things like family/friend problems wants sympathy or are stupid/ignorant. (Ok, hypocrite moment here because I whine in blogs sometimes) Me, for example: I'm having issues admitting to my parents that I love my best friend. He loves me too, but I haven't talked to my parents about any of it. (They're all religious and shit). If I post a blog talking about it, I'm not looking for pity comments, I'm looking for genuine advice on how to deal with this. Yes, I get good advice, but sometimes it's just really difficult to put it into action... If not impossible. I don't get angry or upset when someone gives me critism. I take it and have a decent conversation with the person. I consider what they say, not just blow it off as "you don't understand."

I personally don't give out pity comments hardly ever. If I do, it's because they person involved is feeling really shitty, not just "woe is me, boohoo" type of stuff. It's if they are on the floor crying. But if it is petty, I try to help them fix their problems, see the whole picture, and deal with others who may or may not be wrong.

I'm not bashing you bro, or trying to shove my opinion down your throat, but sometimes it's best to try to give advice, even of it does fall on deaf ears. The person might consider it later....

It's hard to give advice on the Internet because you're only seeing one side of the story -- especially with family problems. It's never just "my parents don't understand me", it's pretty much always a deep-rooted family problem that can't be solved with advice from a near stranger.
I personally hate giving advice to people because it's never what they want to hear, and so now I just try to provide support and try to make them feel better.