can someone help me out? - Comments

  • Subject A-5

    Subject A-5 (250)

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    Well it was more my female friends kissing me randomly, just to test. Hahaha
    November 1st, 2013 at 05:25am
  • chai latte

    chai latte (225)

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    @ sobre mi cadaver
    it does! thank you again so much. :)
    October 31st, 2013 at 09:26pm
  • fen'harel

    fen'harel (560)

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    oh@ chai latte
    I felt anxious and inadequate when I was with my ex-boyfriend; he made me feel guilty for being attracted to women and would make comments like, "Don't start with that; you know I don't like it" or "you're doing it to get attention" so those times was when I felt awful, but after a couple of years I learned to ignore him (I lasted 6 years with him Facepalm even after that). I'd say I lasted with like a year of feeling bad about liking who I liked.

    Since my parents weren't hardcore catholics, religion only played a very small part in my anxiety. I was "catholic" because my ex (the same dude) would get upset at me for not believing or questioning, so I began getting involved in order for him to stay with me (it was a pretty emotionally abusive relationship; in turn, I became obsessive and dependant on him).

    The anxiety was more of "I shouldn't be feeling this, right? Why am I feeling this?" so it was mostly due to confusion and an identity shift that I went through because of being genderfluid too.

    To this date, I haven't given my family the "I'm bisexual" talk. I just talk about women like I talk about men; I like both and I say it loud and clear; however, I have never actually came out to them, mainly because I feel that there's no need to, as long as I'm happy and they allow me to express myself, so it wasn't about being scared about their reactions, but about me feeling comfortable revealing what I wanted to the extent that I wanted.

    I hope this helps!
    October 31st, 2013 at 06:21pm
  • chai latte

    chai latte (225)

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    @ sobre mi cadaver
    nooo, long comments are the best! and this is exactly what i was looking for. thanks so much for taking the time to respond. :)

    if you don't mind a couple follow-up questions--even after identifying as bisexual and learning about "queer" as an umbrella term, did you still have any of that initial anxiety? was there any shame/guilt involved, or was it difficult to admit to yourself, especially due to being catholic? was your anxiety rooted more in not wanting to be a lesbian, or just not having a word to describe your sexual/romantic feelings? did you ever worry about how the more religious members of your family would react, and what were their reactions when you came out?

    feel free to answer/not answer any or all of the questions, and thank you again for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful response. :)
    October 31st, 2013 at 03:26pm
  • fen'harel

    fen'harel (560)

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    I'm a genderfluid bisexual and here's how I first realized I liked women, too.

    I was in the shower after a great day out with my friends; this is when I was in middle school, so about 10 years ago. I started thinking back on the day we had and how some asshole dared to call one of my friends ugly, so I'm washing my hair and thinking to myself, "What the fuck did he mean? She's not ugly whatsoever; she's so pretty and nice and sweet and I would love her to death if I were to be with her." Then I stopped dead on my tracks and began feeling this sort of anxiety rising up from my stomach; I began to feel dizzy and nauseous and I said out loud, "Am I a lesbian?" because back then all I knew was straight, gay, or lesbian. I felt terrified of this and immediately began shoving those feelings to the back of my head, scared because back then I was still a Catholic. I succeeded to ignore that feeling, which I hid until I was on my last year of high school (about 7 years ago).

    During those days, whenever I looked at girls and felt an attraction towards their personalities or simply towards their physical appearance, I would feel anxious again and I wouldn't most likely sleep that night.

    When I came out to myself was when I learned that the Queer umbrella has a lot of sexualities under it as well as gender identities and expressions (I always was teased because I tended to express myself with what people considered to be "masculine" traits and behaviors, so I was the butt of jokes and people would call me "boy" in a way to insult me). I realized that I was attracted to both men and women and that I simply was not comfortable being either feminine or masculine, so I finally put it down with words and felt relieved (by this time, I was already agnostic).

    I told my brother and friends first and all of them treated it like they already knew and I didn't get any shit from them. Then I told my boyfriend from the time and he nearly broke up with me (and this became a norm for our relationship whenever I mentioned I thought a woman was beautiful). Then I told my parents, but not directly. I once mentioned "That girl is just so beautiful and perfect" and since then I haven't had any troubles expressing myself like this with my parents. My fiance knows about this, too and he's perfectly cool with it; he happens to be pansexual (he actually didn't know, like myself, the definition or the word that went with what his sexuality was. In short, one day I asked him if he would still love me if I had a gender reassignment surgery; he told me that he doesn't care what my body looks like as long as I'm me).

    Sorry for the long comment Sorry
    October 31st, 2013 at 03:09pm
  • chai latte

    chai latte (225)

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    @ Tholomew Plague
    thanks for the response! anything helps. :)
    if you don't mind me asking, can you identify a particular moment or event that made you realize you were bisexual? was it a gradual process, or more of an "a-ha!" moment? how did you feel when you realized it?
    sorry for so many questions. x) feel free to answer or not answer any or all of them.
    October 31st, 2013 at 02:32pm
  • Subject A-5

    Subject A-5 (250)

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    Im Bisexual. Took me ages to admit it. Everybody else knew it before I did to be honest. But when I did tell people that didnt know, like my christian grandmother. I just sat her down and said "Look...I might be bisexual, I really dont know" ..Not much help im sorry :(
    October 31st, 2013 at 02:28pm