Help, are you like me? - Comments

@ Lightmydarkness
Yeah, it's been pretty tough on me throughout the years. Mainly from the age 12 and up. It's really good that you did, I'm against medication for several reasons. It's just not natural on your system, and a lot of people have more bad affects than good affects.

I used to self-mutilate all the time. I burned, cut, and would literally beat myself when I got too angry, depressed, etc. It actually became an addiction to me, it got to the point that enjoyed it and did it just because it made me feel good. I found out during my mental treatments that when you harm yourself your brain releases endorphin's to counter act the pain. I became addicted to that. I went through NA meetings after being told that they could actually help. They are normally for narcotics (long story short I was addicted to them as well) .

Finally when I turned 18, I got two rather large tattoos on my forearms (where I did the most damage). Now they remind me not to harm myself there, sounds crazy but I don't want to ruin my tattoos. Haha.

And, you're welcome. It's really no problem, people need to be heard. And, thank you, that helps me a lot because I too have barely anyone to talk to about what I go through. Though that's mainly my fault, the ones that I care try to help but I'm too stubborn to tell them how I'm feeling.

@Join The Masquerade I just get unreasonably down or annoyed for no major reason. It's rather riddiculous.
@HopelessHaures Sounds like you have had a real rough bout with things. At least you aren't on all the medication now, sounds like a huge screw up on in that regard.
At the time when I was first diagnosed as depressive they didn't want me on medication as at the time I was ten and they thought I was to young. As i got older and the mood changes occurred I opted against medication and so far i guess I don't regret it to much. I'm not violent against others, but sometimes (Used to be a lot more frequent) I go through periods of cutting myself. The last time was about a year ago and I'm hoping that I don't reach that period or point again.

I think I tend to write and read a lot more during my down periods. I know there are obviously people who are dealing with what I am (and essentially have life a lot worse then I do) but sometimes it is hard not to feel like you are alone in these thoughts. Thankyou so much for offering to listen (or read I suppose) my rants, it means so much and know that I'm here to listen as well.

I'm like that, but I know why now. I was diagnosed with Rapid-Cycling Bipolar Disorder. I would change moods more than 4 times in a period of 12 months. By that I mean basically what you've described. I can go a while being happy then all of sudden I'm pissed off everyday and then bring on the never ending depression. I also suffer from Major Depression Disorder, which basically sometimes I become complete suicidal for no reason. I just see the world as a dark dank place during those times and I just decided I don't want to be here. On top of those I have PTSD, which mixes with the two but just add on Flashbacks that can get violent when I'm in my pissed off mood.

I personally wouldn't recommend medication unless you really need it, I went to a mental hospital. I came home on 10 different medications, all just for my mental disorders. I started having seizures because of just one of the medications. I had to go back to the mental hospital and basically become a guinea pig until they found the medication causing the problem. My seizures could last up to 1 minute and 30 seconds (which isn't good at all). I was then told by the doctor who prescribed me all of that medication that I was on too much. Of course I was in my pissed off stage and I went off on him.

Now, I'm not on anything. I still have my bouts with my mood-swings and flashbacks. But, when you're on so much medication you get into a zombie like state and you literally have no emotion at all. At least I did and I know several others that I was in the mental hospital with that had the same effect. I literally came home from the mental hospital one time so emotionless that in a way I was depressed, and I hated that feeling. I hated not having my back bone that I've grown to love or the depression that I've learned to accept.

Now, I was horrible when It came to my pissed off moods. I would get physical (mainly after being abused) and I would get arrested. But now, when I feel that way I do the things that distract me from my moods. Just little quirks that I enjoy, drawing, music, writing, television, etc. There are still times when I get in really bad mood and it turns into a huge argument with someone. I unfortunately then have found only a few ways to keep me from going off physically smoking a cigarette (not good for my health but somehow it calms me down), I literally go outside and punch something (now I have a punching bag) or just go cuss out a tree. The last one is crazy and I thought it would never work for me but it did.

Just know, that you are not alone when it comes to these things. More people battle with the same issues everyday some have learned ways to distract themselves and others its very evident. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. I battle with the same issues everyday and I know what's its like to have no one understand what you're going through. It's not something anyone can control but you can help it. I know from personal experience being open about it, whether it be with friends, a mental hospital, or a complete stranger, it just makes you realize that you're not alone. At least it did for me. But, never hold your emotions in, it just makes it worse. You have to release your emotion out in a safe way.

Best wishes, remember what I said if you ever need someone. I know that I'm a stranger but I don't mind if you don't. Just stay strong hun. :)

I get like that. Those weeks on an up then the months following on a down.
And I get unreasonably cranky. I had a dream last night that I couldn't find an address and woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my dad for putting my shirt on a hanger. I think as long as you know that you're being unreasonable, you're not a bad person.