I Don't Understand This [Rant] - Comments

@ sodapop curtis
All of them do, to me. There's this parenting mentality that you shouldn't do anything to give your kid "undeserved" self-esteem. Like. Five-year-olds should have to EARN the right to feel good about and love themselves. =/ And if they don't, then they'll grow up to be lazy leeches on the system or something. I don't get it. I agree that children should learn responsibility at a young age, but I just hate the vibe these articles I keep seeing are giving off.

Holy shit that sharing article sounds like something straight out of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged.

@ AmorarEsDeVivir
Honestly, I don't know what kind of parenting guide says that. Happiness is right here, in each and every moment. It's just a matter of perspective, to be honest. Anything can make you happy - even something as simple as your father giving you a slap on your back to make you move on. People need to realize that. The world hasn't ended just because its harsh. You need to add to the good, like you said, and that's only possible when the young ones realize that this good exists.

I think I understand where you're coming from now on all points, you definitely made more sense with your first one. Sorry I must have misunderstood there, I agree kids need to see that participating can be a good thing but as they grow older they should realise that striving for better can be even more rewarding and can be even self-satisfying, more than anything else.

Sorry about the essay in my last message, and thank you so much for explaining your side it for me. You definitely seem like you'd be a rational mother, with a loving side as well. :)

@ Quiescent.

1. I feel like you may have misunderstood my point on this one; I may not have been clear. I don't want kids to think that just showing up is enough. I'm not saying the kid who comes in last in a race should get the same prize as the kid who came in first. But I don't buy for one second that a participation ribbon is going to teach kids that effort isn't necessary or that they're special snowflakes who deserve special treatment. I think it's important for kids to know that participation is important, even without the promise of coming out on top.

2. I wouldn't spoil my kids to the point where they get a replacement every time something breaks whether we can afford it or not. And if it's not possible to replace the toy, my child will know that. Of course I think children should learn the value of the dollar, and when my children are old enough they will have chores around the house and will get to be included in money management in some small ways, but the idea of making a young child work for their toys rather than, you know, being a kid and enjoying them, makes me uncomfortable. There's a time and a place for it. I agree that "the right age" is a key phrase here.

3. I'm referring to articles I've read about literally not teaching kids to share their toys in preschool. I have a problem with that. I don't think preschool age kids are going to develop an entitlement complex because their teacher said "Bobby and Jimmy, if you both want to use this toy at the same time you'll have to share or take turns."

I realize everyone is entitled to raise children in their own way, but it genuinely baffles me and makes me really sad that it's becoming so trendy to try to make kids fend for themselves in some ways at such a young age. Literally the tone of all these parenting articles I'm reading has been "When your kid is in the REAL WORLD they wont' get stuff handed to them so you should stop giving them handouts when they're little so they understand that!" But I'm sorry, I think kids deserve to have a childhood--a childhood in which they're taught to be kind and considerate before they're taught to be strong and self-reliant in a harsh world. Both are important lessons, don't get me wrong, but I feel like the latter should be taught a little later than preschool.

@ kitsch
I definitely agree that cynicism has no place in youth. I can't imagine, for the life of me, why parents think that's the best thing to teach their children: "The world is harsh so you better get used to it." Yes, the world IS harsh, but that, to me, is exactly why it's important for children to have the opportunity to enjoy their childhood and build up a strong self-esteem while life is still relatively simple? I mean. There's a time and a place for those lessons, I guess.

@ Tipsy Returns
EXACTLY. Once kids start to grow up, they are going to learn that the world is a harsh place. Family isn't supposed to be harsh, though, and in my eyes the best way to deal with a harsh world isn't to become harsh yourself--it's to be proud of who you are despite the odds and to recognize the good in the world, hold on to it, and add to it. But, you know, apparently now kids have to EARN self-esteem, they shouldn't get to feel good about themselves unless they've WORKED for happiness! What a way to raise a pre-schooler.

@ Queen In The North
Exactly. I mean, I'm not about spoiling children, and I have read some articles that say "It's important for kids to hear the phrase 'we can't afford that right now,'" and I agree. But again, kids also need the chance to be kids.

I think some of these are exaggerated here. I'm not sure if that's your point of view, or if you've read/something and that's what you've taken away from it.

1. Rewards just for participation is a nice thing in itself, but somewhere down the track setting them up for that kind of thinking can be disappointing to them and as a parent it can be disheartening to see them come to that realisation. The way to go about that is as they grow older, teach them that they can try harder to perhaps getting better and receive something (even) better, as opposed to nothing when they lose.

It all boils down to teaching them to better themselves, not to accept losing which is what you seem to have taken away from whatever you've read.

2. It may not always be possible to replace something broken (a toy or otherwise) but I wouldn't make my son do chores to learn that his action have repercussions at 5 years old. I would teach him the value of things and that money doesn't grow on trees, and that Mommy has to make an earning and that it's not always possible to replace it/them.

As he gets older, I will make him do chores because that way if he does ask me for something and I can't afford it, he always has his own pocket money to use. If he chooses not to use it, or he's $20 dollars off (I wouldn't spare that because that's $20 towards groceries or any sort of bill), or if he's $2 off (I would give him that much change).

It's all about teaching your kids the right stuff at the right age, realising that moms and dads have to take care of them in more ways than they think.

3. "Sharing is caring."

That's not always true in most cases, sometimes it makes people feel obligated to share because someone's asked to borrow this or use that... As a child, that statement is not true, they don't understand sharing. My son is an only child and doesn't understand how to share because at 15-months old he hasn't been around other children so he doesn't grasp the concept. He will snatch it if he doesn't want you to have/use it, and he's not the first - he's certainly not the only one to do so.

But from what you're saying, and what I was saying beforehand, sometimes people feel obligated to share because someone has asked if they can use something, and people may not always ask for it back (and the person who borrowed may never give it back) so then you have to go out and waste money on another one.

It's an endless cycle, because you've then taught your kid to not waste money on stuff so they're probably thinking: "Do I need another one or do I just want another one?" Want and need are two very different words and can make a world of a difference to your life.

Realistically, it all comes down to how you want to raise your kid, I do agree with that, but it's also how you were raised that plays a part in raising you own kid. At the end of the day, I wouldn't judge these people because we're all different for a reason, I'd pay them no mind if you're just getting riled up about the situation because it's not necessary.

I'm raising mine to know that the world is sometimes shitty, but mum isnt...most of the time. LMFAO.

If she breaks something, I'll do my best to replace it, if not, she'll just have to find something new and affordable. I want her to play sports, just to get her OUTSIDE.

Great rant yo.

Well, the world is shitty and the children would figure that out in time anyway. What they need to actually learn is that goodness exists, even if its equivalent to only a dot on a huge paper. But what's important is that...it still is there.

Not to mention the trend that adds onto it---the youth being aware that the world is "awful" which means it's justified and "cool" to hate yourself. I mean, jeez, it's one thing for me to have moments of hating myself and another thing to see someone in the age bracket of 6-10 years old to say that. What has someone in the 6-10 age bracket done to even think of hating themselves? Building someone's confidence is important and like you said, parents are a very vital factor in that.

As someone who was rewarded for good grades and whatnot by my parents, I found it very insulting when other people would say things to try and make me feel bad about it. My parents did tell me the world isn't fair, yes, but they also told me to do the right thing in situations, be thankful for what I have, and give back (charity). I just. . .I don't know. Being a parent is difficult and I have no desire to be one myself so when I observe others, I typically try to make connections with my own experiences. But of course my opinion is brushed off as "you'll learn when you have your own kids." So I shut up.

The world has enough negativity. It really does.