People 18 and Older: Please Help Me! - Comments

I certainly don't FEEL like an adult. I don't know that anyone ever does. I feel like the idea of adulthood is perceived as having everything figured out but the truth is no one does. There are things that I like about being an adult, like having a job and my own car that I paid for. But I still live with my parents and i go to school. I pay my own bills and I pay for school myself, so that can be stressful. I think there's tradeoffs with becoming an adult, but it's a part of life. You can choose what you do with your entrance into adulthood, but what's important is that you're happy. It's not always easy, but it always works out.

I'm 26, and I still don't feel like an adult.

At 16, I listened to music and/or read all day, loved spending time alone, had a group of 5 friends, didn't have a boyfriend, or a car. I had no idea what I was going to be.

10 years later, I still do all those things, still have 5 friends, still don't have a car or a boyfriend and I still don't know what I wanna do with my life Except, now, people have expectations. I'm expected to have a job, pay bills, be responsible, dress appropriately.

Not everything about adulthood sucks, though. Independence is hard, but, stuff like having your own space, deciding what you do with any spare money you have after bills without needing to clear it with your parents, getting a tattoo, or a car, all that stuff makes up for it. And legal drinking.

It's okay to not know what you wanna be. Who said we're meant to know everything, or have one path to one career? People change their career path all the time. You can do college as many times as you want. You can start at the bottom of another field and work your way up at any age.

The main thing I've leaned? Don't let other people tell you where you should be in your life. Do what makes you happy, and if it doesn't, find a way to change it. As cliche as it is, when there's a well, there's a way.

You'll be fine. Everybody has to find their own way, just make sure you try to have as much fun as you can along the way.

I'll keep this as short and simple as possible. At any age, even at the age of thirteen, fourteen, or fifteen, you have this awesome fantasy about how life is going to be once you're an 'adult'. No more rules. No more nagging parents. Life will be so damn great. But what happens is that they fail that to make what money and to get something they want, they have to have a job or at least some sort of income to support said means. You have bills to take care of (even necessities such as food, water, and a roof over your head). Shit gets real the second you decide to take on the 'Adult Challenge'. But the point of it all is that every one reacts to "adult hood" differently.

Some who knew what they wanted to be when they were 8 years old go on and pursue such a career throughout their high school, college years, and find a job that pertains to their degree. They're living life the way they planned it and that's great for them. But I can't speak for all when I say that I didn't want to have that in my life. I wanted to be a music producer, would still love to be one, but for reasons, I have had to let go of that dream. A day shy before my 20th birthday, before my official start as a sophomore in college, I gave birth to my daughter. I went from some 19 year old punk kid to a mother in less than a day. THAT is something I didn't expect.

So, do I personally expect you to know what you want to be when you turn 18? Nope. Do I want you to know what you want to be and do and pursue when you reach 'adult hood'? Nope, because many of us didn't even know our ass from our elbows when we were 18.'18' was 10 years ago for me, and I'm starting to see life a little bit different because of life's little monkey wrenches it threw me. Life isn't conclusive when you reach a certain age. I can say, though, that whatever life events you get put into will affect what you want to do in life. Never expect to believe that what you wanted when you were a kid is going to be the same thing you want now. It may change, it may be influenced by other things or you could just simply say, "I ain't doing shit."

Either way, sweets, don't take the step from being 17 to 18 too hard. The most important factor is to enjoy that step and the many steps you'll take with each birthday. Don't fret on what others believe you need to be doing. Don't worry about becoming an 'adult' right out of high school. Let life teach you a few lessons. I promise you, it'll help you in developing who you want and will become to be. Have a good one, sweets.

Okay, well, I'm 25 and one of those people who has made "I feel sorry for teenagers who look forward to being an adult so they can do whatever they want" posts, so I feel obligated to address this one.

Yes, being an adult SUCKS sometimes--especially if you're cursed with economic hardship. My car is making a funny noise that might be the transmission I JUST had replaced three years ago and I can't afford to have it investigated. I had to postpone most of my bills (including rent) this month because my husband and I aren't getting enough hours at work lately. People assume "adulthood" is synonymous with "freedom," but it isn't, not necessarily. Because as an adult you have so many more restrictions that limit what you can do with your free time--financial restrictions, time restrictions, other obligations.

BUT. I wouldn't go back to being a teenager. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, "I should've listened to my parents, gone to school near home and lived with them for a few more years." But if I'd done that, I would never have met my husband, and I would never have gotten the job I have now (which I enjoy, even though it doesn't pay very well), and I wouldn't have some of the liberties that I do have.

And, between you and me, at age 25, when I'm not at work I am usually also on my laptop or lying in bed. >.> But a lot of that has to do with the fact that it's harder to find time to be with friends, since my friends are all either super busy, far away, or both.

You do have stuff to look forward to as an adult, it's just hard to see when you're as stressed out as I am. >.>

As far as "becoming an adult" goes, there's this phrase I found a long time ago that I thought was pretty apt, and I'm gonna dig it up now:

"You never get to the point where you think, 'I am the adult,' but you do get to the point where you think, 'I've dealt with this before.' The older you get, the higher and higher the percentage is of things you've already been through. Have you ever changed a tire? Had a flat tire? Someday, you might, and the next time it happens, you'll know what to do, since you've already done it."

That's been the most comforting thought for me through adulthood, every time I go through a major crisis and think I don't know how I'm going to handle this one.

I guess ultimately the shitty thing about being an adult is that usually someone else gets to handle the messy stuff. Can't afford rent/mortgage? That's someone else's to sort out, and while it might stress you out, you know it's not your responsibility yet. Same with just about any "adulthood" problem. When you're the adult, you're the one who has to deal with all that, and it can be really overwhelming. But as long as you can keep your mind on the blessings you have and the things you've accomplished, it'll be at least manageable to get through the messes.

I don't think there's really a time when you feel like an adult, honestly. I'm going to be 20 in November, I'm halfway through a university degree and I work part-time but I still feel like a kid. I still stay with my parents, but I'm pretty much self-sufficient in the sense that I do my own grocery shopping, pay my own bills and do all of the other stuff you do when you move out. A lot of my friends feel the same way. I don't know whether it's maybe something you grow out of when you leave education, but we all still feel like kids inside. Maybe we're just immature but I don't think there is really much harm in it. As long as you aren't making an absolute arse of yourself then it shouldn't really matter. The way I see it, you've got your whole life ahead of you to think about what to do and where to go. You don't necessarily have to make a decision just because the law says you're legally an adult.

I reckon that being an adult is one of those general transitions that you don't notice, though. In terms of having the freedom, it's incredible because legally, you can do whatever the hell you want whenever the hell you want within reason. Sure, it's terrifying thinking about what you have to do for the rest of your life and all of that stuff, but you've got the freedom to do what you want to do and not what your parents dictate you do. I don't really find growing up that scary. I don't like the idea of no longer being a teenager because of the way I act, but I don't really fear growing up as much as others seem to. The only thing I'm really worried about is trying to find a job, but aside from that, I believe it's a good challenge and you should just take everything that life throws at you in that respect. I don't think that growing up is something to be afraid of, necessarily.

Wow, that was an essay. I'm so sorry.

I feel ya. when I was 17, I was the same. I didn't really do anything and I didn't get my license until I was forced to at 18 because I commuted to college and had no other way of getting there besides driving. even nowadays I still feel like I'm like 16 or something (but that probably has a lot to do with the fact that I'm taking such a long break from school and am doing almost nothing once again)

anyway I've always had a Peter Pan Complex in the sense that I never wanted to grow up. I refused to be potty trained when I was 2 because I "didn't want to be a big girl", so I'm pretty sure this trend started early for me.

in short, I don't think you ever truly become an adult. idk, maybe some people do, but those are the rare type of people who have always had a good head on their shoulders and can quickly adapt to changes. you're not out of the ordinary if you're scared of growing up because it IS really fucking scary and no one ever prepares you for the important things like student loans and mortgage and car payments (let's be real, money is the worst aspect of adulthood, right ahead of the influx of sudden responsibilities) ugh. but I guess it all depends on what you want to do for the rest of your life. (and that in itself is daunting enough.)

my advice for you would be to just try to gain as much information about what lies in the future (from your parents, older siblings and friends, teachers, y'know, whoever), make sure you COMPLETELY understand what responsibilities you'll have to eventually take on and just try to prepare yourself for it all. confide in someone (or multiple people) about your worries and fears and let them reassure you. try not to sweat it too much because being a worry wart for the rest of your life will really suck. just try to take things as they come.

Well, I just turned 24. My boyfriend and I are not married. I still live with my parents and I don't have a lot of bills. While my age says I'm an adult, I don't feel like one yet.