It's So Hard Being Friends... - Comments

@ Albluerose
He asks how I'm doing plenty. It's not that he doesn't care. It's more that...I have a hard time relating to him right now, because the stuff that's on his mind feels so petty to me right now. And it's not fair to minimize it or act like he *shouldn't* care about it, I just...get frustrated easily over it because I wish things were that simple for me, you know? But you might be right; it may just be that he wants to try to keep conversation light as a distraction.

@ DarkestStorm
I don't think he's clueless necessarily? I think he just gets caught up in stuff. It may have been that he wanted to distract me, and it may have just been that he was so absorbed in this game that he didn't realize I didn't really want to talk about it. But yeah, I did end up kind of talking to him about it and he was really understanding. I think we will be able to visit my father-in-law--at any rate, we've got plans to--it's just a matter of figuring out how the hell we're gonna pay bills afterwards. We've got a GoFundMe up which is basically how we can afford the trip at all, but we'll miss two weeks of work too and that'll be rough on the bills.

Oh Katie, I'm so sorry. :( Both about your father in law dying and your friend going on about a video game. Sometimes people think when someone they know is going through a hard time, that maybe they'd rather not talk about it or want to be distracted and other times, people are just clueless and don't understand that it can be upsetting. And apparently he's in the second category and can't tell that his talking about video games and books isn't what you want right now.

If you don't want to talk to him right now, you're not being an asshole. You're going through serious things and sometimes when people go through serious things, it's hard and pointless to listen to such trivial things. Maybe try telling him (if you're still talking or do so later and it happens again) that you'd rather not listen to his video game talk.

Once again, I'm so sorry about your father-in-law. That has to be so hard for you and your husband. I hope something somehow works out for you two so you can visit him.

<3

I know the feeling, as I'm going through things myself my two so called "best friends" have not called or text to see how I'm doing. Except for things they need, and once I give them what they need I don't hear from them. Moving isn't easy, stressful and down right sucks. Only a select few have checked up on me, called me and even came to hang out. Knowing I have anxiety, panic attacks and depression. But its good to just get your mind off things for a while. Maybe your friend talked about the game to distract you from talking about thing that upset you. Even though its good to vent.

@ kitsch
"moments like that make it really difficult to relax because of the glaring differences in lifestyle, perspective, etcetera that aren't as apparent at other points in time"

This. This is exactly what it is. You put it into words better than I could have. Thank you.

@ Michael Westen
Part of the problem is that things have been hard for us for a long time, and they don't seem to be turning around despite my best efforts. I kind of feel like I've done and am still doing everything I can and unless a miracle happens this is just the way it's going to be.

Well, that makes sense, at least he allowed you to vent. That's more than I can say for some people that just like to hear themselves ramble on endlessly. I think moments like that really make it difficult to relax because of the glaring differences in terms of lifestyle, perspective, etcetera that aren't as apparent at other points in time. It's not wrong to want some space so all the trivial stuff he's focused on doesn't weigh on you and your high priority tasks.

I agree with everything kitsch said. You aren't an asshole.

I hope things turn around for you soon. You deserve that.

@ kitsch
The thing is he's generally good at being empathetic/sympathetic. He's not a selfish person. I think sometimes he just gets so absorbed in something that he's clueless to all else. >.> After about the 55 minute mark he said that if I wanted to change the subject feel free and I ended up going into a long rant about all the shit that's going on and how much I hate the economic class system. But he doesn't really know what to say to that, either, having never dealt with it himself and coming from a well-off family, so it's a conversation that doesn't really go anywhere. He kindly lets me vent, though. And he does understand that I've got a lot going on. I just...really can't relate to him when his focus is on trivial stuff right now. ><

You're not an asshole. Seriously. You have a lot to deal with and you're incredibly strong; your friend, on the other hand, has a ton less to figure out. Hell, if the most pressing issue I had was about a video game, I'd consider myself blessed as fuck. It also goes without saying that some people, no matter how much we care for them, are shit at being empathetic, sympathetic, and not 1000% self absorbed.

Regardless, you're not an awful person at all. It just sucks that these terrible things are happening to good people such as you and your husband. I hope things get better somehow.