July 2nd, 2015 at 09:47am
Sorry to hear that, man. 
I feel like I'm somewhat in the same boat when it comes to on-line chat (which is now almost non-existent in areas which were booming a few years ago) but I suppose I am blessed to have even just a few friends who I stay in contact with and who stay in contact with me.
I wonder if you're a bit of a perfectionist? I hope that doesn't sound offensive, sorry if it does! I was just asking this because I think I am a perfectionist who thinks of the best scenario possible with friends and feels largely disappointed when it's anything less. In other words, I expect 100% (i.e. great weather, good jokes and laughs, no social awkwardness, exuding confidence) and if one little thing doesn't fit the picture (i.e. dull weather, one awkward moment, a somewhat dry response than what I had expected from the friend) then I really sink myself down lower and lower.
On-line in particular, I think it's very hard to keep a friendship flowing actively - think of it like a band. You're in a band and sometimes your band won't be active, but it'll still be there. Maybe one member is busy, maybe needs some space for a personal reason etc. But in good time a band member who is a member to stay is somebody who is dedicated in the long-term, and they deserve your friendship for that. Personally I would consider losing contact with them if they ignore me for months on end (and I can see that they're responsive elsewhere) or if I think they're being an overall negative influence on my life (saying nasty things etc).
I go for months without hearing a peep from friends sometimes; I've been doing full-time work, they studying, travelling etc. Lost contact with a few...purposefully lost contact with one because I realised we were both negatively influencing each other.
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While it's really nice to be the nice guy, it can feel nice on the outside (from compliments, helping people who are genuinely thankful or repay the favour etc) but feel very sour on the inside: where nobody sees.
Sometimes I think it's cruel for oneself to be so kind; a balance is needed. Always strive for a balance here so that people won't rely on your kindness.
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You deserve somebody who is willing to make an effort, of course, but I think it's important to learn to be OK with being lonely sometimes. It's hard, I know, and I'm still not content with it really - which is strange coming from an introvert. But I think what we both need is some new friends who we can see in the flesh, be able to ring up or meet up often. But even if it's possible to meet up often sometimes it's not always best: it's nice to meet up after a long time with people who aren't so talkative because you might be surprised at how much they suddenly have to share. Time gives them opportunity to experience new things which they can then share with you, and thus you both learn something from their experience.
Finding things to do without them is vital but hard. Reading and films are perfect ways to cause yourself to forget about the overwhelming feeling of loneliness.
Good luck to you! Hope you feel better soon.
I feel like I'm somewhat in the same boat when it comes to on-line chat (which is now almost non-existent in areas which were booming a few years ago) but I suppose I am blessed to have even just a few friends who I stay in contact with and who stay in contact with me.
I wonder if you're a bit of a perfectionist? I hope that doesn't sound offensive, sorry if it does! I was just asking this because I think I am a perfectionist who thinks of the best scenario possible with friends and feels largely disappointed when it's anything less. In other words, I expect 100% (i.e. great weather, good jokes and laughs, no social awkwardness, exuding confidence) and if one little thing doesn't fit the picture (i.e. dull weather, one awkward moment, a somewhat dry response than what I had expected from the friend) then I really sink myself down lower and lower.
On-line in particular, I think it's very hard to keep a friendship flowing actively - think of it like a band. You're in a band and sometimes your band won't be active, but it'll still be there. Maybe one member is busy, maybe needs some space for a personal reason etc. But in good time a band member who is a member to stay is somebody who is dedicated in the long-term, and they deserve your friendship for that. Personally I would consider losing contact with them if they ignore me for months on end (and I can see that they're responsive elsewhere) or if I think they're being an overall negative influence on my life (saying nasty things etc).
I go for months without hearing a peep from friends sometimes; I've been doing full-time work, they studying, travelling etc. Lost contact with a few...purposefully lost contact with one because I realised we were both negatively influencing each other.
-
While it's really nice to be the nice guy, it can feel nice on the outside (from compliments, helping people who are genuinely thankful or repay the favour etc) but feel very sour on the inside: where nobody sees.
Sometimes I think it's cruel for oneself to be so kind; a balance is needed. Always strive for a balance here so that people won't rely on your kindness.
-
You deserve somebody who is willing to make an effort, of course, but I think it's important to learn to be OK with being lonely sometimes. It's hard, I know, and I'm still not content with it really - which is strange coming from an introvert. But I think what we both need is some new friends who we can see in the flesh, be able to ring up or meet up often. But even if it's possible to meet up often sometimes it's not always best: it's nice to meet up after a long time with people who aren't so talkative because you might be surprised at how much they suddenly have to share. Time gives them opportunity to experience new things which they can then share with you, and thus you both learn something from their experience.
Finding things to do without them is vital but hard. Reading and films are perfect ways to cause yourself to forget about the overwhelming feeling of loneliness.
Good luck to you! Hope you feel better soon.
The balance is where I always fail. I recently gave someone a good amount of money because they needed it (they said their car got wrecked up and the left their wallet at home etc, they're my neighbour so I gave it to them) and later I got to know that he spent all that money on drugs, which saddened me but it was a lesson learnt. But I'm gonna try to keep the balance now, for real. I didn't even think about being a perfectionist, which I knew I was but didn't realise it was the reason for me getting sad so often.
Yass, reading and films always help.
Thank you very much man, I feel better now. I just had 2 rough days really, I didn't want to talk to anyone but I'll get better slowly I think.