Insecure - Comments

I clicked on your profile so I could see if you'd started another story and saw this blog. I hope you're okay. I hope you found someone to talk too. I hope you're still with us. I hope you know how talented you are. I hope you know that there are people that will miss you and your talent. Families unfortunately are fickle things and because we grow up with only them there is a lot of pressure placed on us to respect or believe that their opinion is worth a lot to us. It shouldn't be but I understand that the pain of not being noticed by your family can lead to resentment - not of them but of yourself. As I am getting older, my value is placed in my friendships and my family while still around, have stepped back and this is my decision and it is great. To get the option of who you surround yourself with and then only having people who fuel your mind and make your heart swell is wonderful and I hope you get to experience this. I've rambled and am rambling and I'm sorry but I want you to know you are wonderful. Wonderful things are available for you and I honestly hope so much that you are here to experience them. Sending you all the love xxx

I feel shit all the as well, what I do is find little moments of madness to entertain myself with, for example...

Last year was a fairly depressing year to say the least, by the end of it I was pretty much ready to top speed my car into a tree, I sat in for a few days drinking making myself feel worse spent xmas with a friend went home again got more depressed because I was thinking about all the things that made me unhappy over the last 15 years. Then on New Year's Eve I thought fuck I'm going to drive to Wales and climb mount Snowden and that's exactly what I did. And it was horrible snow wind rain fog but..... I made it to the top and there I was at the top of a bloody mountain on New Year's Eve for no reason but I felt pretty exhausted but good.

I'm not saying go climb a mountain that's just what I did I've done other smaller things since then I call them little victories it could be nicking smoke salmon from the shops because your disgusted at how much it cost. But what i am saying is go find something that excites you I found I was my own worst enemy but then one day that light bulb flicked it took years but it happened.