Ugh, Too Many Feelings - Comments

@ coralreefs;
Thanks lovely I have to work on being patient with myself, I've never been very great at that

My best friend is going through a similar situation. She and her bf were together for 3 and a half years and they recently broke up in October. He seems all chill (which he's not), but she's taking it hard. You're not pathetic. You're entitled to feel everything all at once or to feel nothing at all. You were with someone for 3 years and its gonna take some time to get over that, but don't beat yourself up about it. Give yourself a break, you're doing your best yknow? I know it's tough and annoying and you feel super vulnerable but you WILL be ok. It really does get better and you'll come through this stronger than ever, knowing you deserve to be with someone much better than your last bf. Just give yourself time.

@ swell
I've been trying to put myself in his shoes because I know that a long distance relationship was super hard for him and doing it for almost 3 years was wearing him down, but it took me a while to understand why he seemed so meh about the whole situation. AND THE SHOW THING. Ugh we had a whole list of movies and shows we were going to watch together and one of them was Sherlock, which I put off watching for a year and a half because he really wanted to watch it together, and as soon as we broke up he went and watched the entire thing and I still can't get myself to watch it. I'm still unnecessarily annoyed about that

Yeah, I've been working my way towards being able to just cut myself off for a while, but because he's been a part of my life for almost 9 years it's been pretty difficult. Eventually I'll be able to just take a step back and move on properly which will be nice. It's frustrating that I know that it hurts me to just be his friend and it really doesn't bother him at all, but that's something I'm gonna have to deal with until I'm ready, I guess. I was kind of annoyed about that too, like I understand why he did it, but he told all of our other friends so what did he think was going to happen? Like really. Even if he was just like "hey, just so you know I'm going to have coffee with someone tonight" I would have been like "okay great". But the fact that I found out a few days later through a friends makes me angrier than the fact that he went out with someone else, you know?

Thanks you, I really appreciate it

@ kaz brekker
I'm sorry that happened to you as well, love. It really sucks I feel like I probably wouldn't have stayed friends with him except that all of his friends have also become my friends, and I know they would have picked him over me because they were his friends first and I didn't want to lose everyone, you know? That awkward phase at the beginning was pretty awful, every time we talked to either I felt like I was swimming in a pool of awkwardness, but that has mostly passed now.

I definitely need to do that, and I'm working towards it so hopefully sometime in the near future I'll just be able to cut myself off for a while and take a step back and be okay with everything. My friendship with a few people in our friend group has gotten a lot better recently, so I know if I just cut myself off from him I won't lose all of my friends which makes me feel better about things.

Pshtt, it was all super helpful!! I'm definitely gonna join you in the boycotting though. I'll just take my cheap ass after-Valentine's-Day chocolate and hang out with myself thanks hun

@ decay
Relationships are overrated, girl. Just avoid them thanks lovely, I really just have to be patient with myself and let myself feel the large array of somewhat annoying emotions that don't seem to be going away very fast.

So true. thanks love

Noooooooooo you're not pathetic. Break ups are hard, especially when that person moves on faster than you think. I have no idea what advice I can give because I haven't ever been in this situation (hooray for being terrified of relationships), but honestly from what I know, it just takes time. But you're still allowed to feel things, however negative. Like you gave two and a half years of your life to this guy, so you are definitely not pathetic for feeling sad/mad/whatever about all of this. But it'll get better. Even I (aka worst relationship advisor in the entire world) know, it'll get better.

For now, you just need lotsa friends (Mibbians included!), chocolates (or whatever sweet thing you like), writing, and yourself. Because Lizz needs Lizz more than she needs dick ass boys

Oh, babe. I get it, I really do. A situation very, very similar to this happened to me about three years ago—long distance, in love, entirely blindsided by it when it happened and she was very, very calm whilst doing it. I didn't even try to be her friend after it happened because so much had happened. Though, on a somewhat different note, I do have an ex that wants to be friends, but whenever we talk, there's this weird awkwardness and they always end up saying things that make me feel indirectly guilty even though they broke up with me? You know, the fun stuff.

Anywaaay, off subject. I'm sorry. It does get easier and I'm sure people have said that before, but it's also okay to not be okay. It took me a long time to learn that and I wish someone would have said it to me because I wasn't really me for almost an entire year. It hurt even more when I found out about two months later that she was interested in someone and going on dates like the two years didn't matter. So I think it's definitely okay to be mad and sad over him going on a date with someone. With your lives so intertwined, I think you might need to stop talking to him for a little bit. I haven't talked to my ex (the one that wants to be friends) much because I know we both need space and it's just better right now. That's not to say I won't ever talk to them and that's not to say you won't ever be okay with him, but I think you need to give yourself some time to mourn and heal and move on before you try to recover a friendship.

There's a reason I'm not an advice giver though, so you can ignore all advice and rambling and instead join my current boycott against relationships/girls/boys entirely for awhile. Just know that the way you're feeling is not pathetic at all.

How you are feeling is not pathetic at all. When I broke up with my boyfriend, I was your boyfriend. We'd had a fight a few days before we broke up and that pretty much distanced me from him completely, so when we did break up I was pretty stoic about it. I don't think I even cried after, it was more so a relief that I wouldn't be in that situation anymore. However, when I found out that he was dating someone else (girl we had just fought about coincidentally) a week after we expressed feelings of wanting to be together, I was raging. I couldn't listen to happy music for a few days, it took me a while to listen to Kanye (he loves Kanye). We work at the same shopping centre and I tried to avoid him as much as I could. We were gonna watch OITNB together and just started watching too but I don't think I've been able to watch it since. I'm gonna try tonight, though. Your feelings are completely valid considering he did blindside you and I would imagine it's hard to move on when you keep talking to that person and are still in their life.

Honestly, I don't think you'll be able to properly move on until you cut yourself off from him completely (even for a short period of time). If others ask, say it's none of their business or that you need time to decompress which is completely fair of you to say. It doesn't seem fair that he doesn't want a relationship with you anymore but he still gets to keep you as a friend with no guilt. Also, I wish he had told you about Kayla. It would've been better to hear it from him than to hear it from someone else. I think that's rude too (I get that he wanted to spare your feelings but you're gonna hear about it regardless so the least he could do is man up and tell you himself).

Wow what a rant. I just got way involved there hahaha sorry but Tldr your feelings are more than valid and I definitely feel for you. Feel free to send a message or anything if you want to talk.

@ captain solo.
Thanks lovely I can't wait for the day when I can think back on this and just smile about the happy memories we had and not feel super sad about everything. It'll be much easier

You're not pathetic at all! It seems like you guys were really close and I remember how upset you were when he ended things. The only adequate amount of time it takes to heal and move on after something sad is however long your heart decides to take. I'm sorry you're feeling glum, Lizz the Bizz.