A (Personal) Question for the LGBTQ+ Community - Comments

@ inej ghafa
This makes me so happy to read you don't even know
+ I fkn love the timing of it, NICE JOB

inej ghafa:

3. How did you come out to others (if you did?)
I haven't come out to my parents yet. To others, I've been very casual about it. I guess I don't want to make a big deal out of it because then I'd be drawing too much attention to myself, haaa. But it was just a casual thing between my best friend and I.

Sorry to comment on an old blog, but I felt like I wanted to update it in a way. I came out to my Dad on the 3rd of June, which was not only during the month of Pride, but also was on bisexual awareness day, which was just coincidentally good timing but the fact made me happy. He was talking about what name I would take on in marriage - since I'm complicated in that regard - and after talking about men, he also mentioned that 'I know I mention men all the time, but if you married a woman as well that would be fine'.

So I told him. 'I think it's about time I told you I'm bisexual'.

And at first he goes Really? Not in a bad way, just in a surprised way I guess. Because there were no clues to anything about me, because I've never dated anyone before. But then he said he loves me all the same, that he could never love me less no matter who I was. It was a good day.

1. When you first realised you were LGBTQ+, what were your initial feelings?
It took me ages to realise I was bi. It was a realisation that came in pieces, rather slowly, but it was a nice realisation. I wasn't scared or bothered by it. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense of things that previously had skipped my mind.
I think I just used to think that everyone was straight by default. Like, that was normal. You had to be something pretty extraordinary to be gay/bi/etc. and I didn't feel like I was? But then I sort of got to realising that everyday, normal people are of all sorts of genders. You don't have to be covered in glitter. It's not so obvious.

2. Was it a process to accept yourself or was it more of a 'okay now that I know who I am, I feel instantly better'?
It took me a while to listen to myself. I kept putting off the thought, thinking, "nah, I don't like girls that way" "I've never dated a girl before, or even kissed one" "I just don't know what I'm looking for" until I let it all go and allowed myself to really think about it. After that, I started feeling less confused and more accepting of myself.

3. How did you come out to others (if you did?)
I came out I think to my parents first. I think my mum said something (she's quite conservative in her own way) and I was like "well, I'm bi and that's not true of me". To which she replied "no you're not" lol. My parents don't talk about it with me but if I brought a girl home to meet them, they'd not throw me out of home. It's just something they can't relate to.
I'm not sure if my best friend knows. I don't know that I've ever told her "hey, so I'm bi" because I don't really see why I should? Like, it's irrelevant? One day I might get a gf and I know she would just accept it right there on the spot, no questions asked. And I tell her about my girl crushes. Maybe she knows, but we haven't talked about it as a thing.
And coming out to my recent ex was easy because we were friends first, and I remember telling him about a girl in my class I had a crush on. And it just sort of comes up when you're dating someone. He was accepting - didn't think any differently of me. Which was nice.

when you first realized you were lgbtq+ what were your initial feelings?
literally: OH FUCK. bc my parents are super conservative muslims.

was it a process to accept yourself or was it more of a 'okay now that i know who i am i instantly feel better'?
oh god no. it was such a long, grueling process. i knew since i was a kid that i was different in some way but man, my teen years were tough. i always tried telling myself it was a phase & i initially thought i was bisexual bc that & gay/lesbian/trans were the only sexuality/identities i knew but then my counselor who was helping me a lot through that time told me about pansexuality (bc i said i didn't care about looks/gender identity, etc) but then it was a friend who told me about demo sexuality when i was a graduating senior since i rarely am attracted to anyone unless there's an emotional connection. like looks & shit don't mean anything to me, but if we're talking about who im more emotionally attracted to & comfortable around, it's towards women (since im afraid of men... heh)

how did you come out to others?
i'll let my parents die easy. if they knew i was sexually attracted to girls, they'd have a heart attack & disown me & what not. but w/ peers & what not, it's a very casual thing like: i dont like ppl based on appearance or looks, more personality wise & idc if you're guy, girl, or whatever you want to identify

1. When you first realised you were LGBTQ+, what were your initial feelings?

Well, it was kind of a relief for me? It was like I could finally embrace who I was. I'd been denying shit for so long that realizing exactly where I fell in the spectrum was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. At the same time, it scared me because I was afraid of being judged simply for being who I was.

2. Was it a process to accept yourself or was it more of a 'okay now that I know who I am, I feel instantly better'?

As I said above with my initial thoughts, I was both relieved and scared. I knew that people didn't appreciate the LGBTQ+ spectrum as well as they should and, having been raised straight and cis, I knew how bad things could get. Hell, being raised straight and cis was the reason I denied being panromantic demisexual and transgender for so long.

3. How did you come out to others (if you did?)

I kind of just said it? Like, I was scared to come out to my family so I said it while I was saying other disappointing news to them. With my friends, I brought it up and just said it. They all accepted me, too, because they were a part of the spectrum as well.

I hope this helps!

No, I'm trans, and you can totally PM me!

Thank you so much for answering, it's v much appreciated

@ starbomb
It just so happens I have another story where I'm writing about a trans character so would it be alright if I PM'd you with trans specific q? They'll probably be personal though so no problem if you'd like to decline! (Unless you're gender fluid in which case, my apologies, did not mean to interpret incorrectly)

1. When you first realised you were LGBTQ+, what were your initial feelings?

Being totally honest, I really didn't feel much of anything. Up until I was about 21, I had always considered myself as 'straight but almost completely disinterested'. I had no real interest in exploring any of the spectrums. I didn't even feel like it was necessary because I've never had any negative feelings about myself on these matters. I've always been comfortable with who I am, so I didn't feel like I needed to seek out any further information. But then I was seeing all these posts on Tumblr about the asexual spectrum and the aromantic spectrum and I got curious enough that I decided to read up on them. It was during this time that I realized there were actual words and terms that fit with the feelings I'd always felt, but hadn't bothered trying to put names to. I wouldn't say I was relieved so much as feeling a small sense of amazement that there were enough people who felt the same way to have terms and a community.

2. Was it a process to accept yourself or was it more of a 'okay now that I know who I am, I feel instantly better'?

Accepting myself has always been easy for me. I don't believe in justifying myself to others, plus by the time I found all this information and fully realized that I was asexual and aromantic, I was already at a point in my life where I'd cut out all the unsupportive people that might've had a problem with this. I also don't personally put a higher value on being able to identify what I am, so I wouldn't say that I feel better now than before I realized who I was. I feel the same, I just have labels for those feelings now.

3. How did you come out to others (if you did?)
The whole time I was researching information I was talking to my best friend about it, so pretty much from day 1, she's known. I told another friend of mine last year in casual conversation; we've known each other for 10 years and we frequently have deep conversations, so it came up very naturally. I've told my dad, though I don't think he really understands the concept? But he's not shaming me or anything like that, so truthfully I really don't care if he doesn't understand it. Actually, I don't think it's important that anyone in my life understand it, so long as they can respect it. And I've also technically told one of my coworkers? They came out to me and shortly after that I sort of just blurted it out that I was ace/aro. I'm fairly certain I won't be coming out to anybody else in the future; I'm generally a private person to begin with, and I consider it exactly no one's business* that I'm ace/aro. Plus all the people in my life who I would want to tell already know.

(* = I realize by posting this comment I'm essentially coming out to any Mibbians that read this, but in my mind the internet and face to face are a disconnect. Also, if I ever were to be interested in pursuing some kind of non-platonic relationship, I would of course have to discuss the fact that I'm ace/aro with them )

I feel like my answers are a bit boring, but I still wanted to contribute anyway~

1. When you first realised you were LGBTQ+, what were your initial feelings?

I think I was like fourteen and, truthfully, didn't know a lot about myself. So I just tried to push the feelings away and tried even harder to blend in. It

2. Was it a process to accept yourself or was it more of a 'okay now that I know who I am, I feel instantly better'?

Yeah, I was really in denial for about a year, and really angry at myself for another. I still haven't gotten over that anger, for very personal reasons, and I feel like those around me accept me more than I accept myself.

3. How did you come out to others (if you did?)

I sent my mom a message because I can't do these things in person for anxiety reasons. She then proceeded to out me to the rest of the family without my consent, but they're cool about it. Or so they say. I never came out to anyone in high school, or at my high school, rather, because I have friends outside of school who know.

The truth is that a lot of my outside-of-school friends think that I'm like über-gay, when I lean towards...something else, I guess? I tell people and they say, "Oh, you're bi"/"You're pan," but I'm that stereotypical I-don't-like-labels type of person, I guess.

1. When you first realised you were LGBTQ+, what were your initial feelings?

I thought there was something wrong with me to be truthful. There was a beautiful girl that I had just met and she was flirting with me and being the awkward little kid I was, my heart was racing. I really had a crush on her and well, being from a small-minded area, I thought that I was broken and my family would hate me.

2. Was it a process to accept yourself or was it more of a 'okay now that I know who I am, I feel instantly better'?

It was a process. I opened myself up to that kind of world and I talked to a lot of people in the LGBT community. It kind of taught me that I was normal and I started a long distance relationship online with another girl and I felt kind of better; I ended up being more comfortable with myself in that sense.

3. How did you come out to others (if you did?)
It was different for three parties.

I started with my online friends and came out via a journal on Deviantart. I had just casually mentioned it when I was talking about something else, but it still counted as coming out. Someone didn't take me seriously, but whatever; here I am now four years later.

Next it was my real friends. The first one was the girl I mentioned earlier. We were talking about dating someone of the same gender and I admitted to her I was bisexual. She was taken aback at first and said that she didn't see me as someone like that, but the two of us are still friends to this day and I refer to her as the "friend that made me gay." After that it came naturally if someone asked.

Finally, it was my parents. I had been dating my online girlfriend for a couple of months and we had made up this whole story of how she had a cousin who was my boyfriend and that they were close in many ways and blah blah blah. I had given up on keeping that story so I wrote my dad a letter while I was at school and I gave it to him before I went to get my hair done.

Dad was pretty okay with it because my stepsister (who is almost 13 years older than me) was kind of forced out of the closet in high school, and he helped my stepmother with the whole scenario. The only thing he told me though was that I was taking a rough path, but I think I'm pretty okay to this day. I mean, I was co-founder, president, and secretary of my high school's Gay/Straight Alliance and I put up with a lot of crap from that.

I apologize for rambling. ^^; I'm pretty bad at that, but good luck with your story!

1. When you first realized you were LGBTQ+, what were your initial feelings?
Realizing it was a process, it didn't just click right away, it took time to fully understand. At first when I was coming to the conclusion I was literally so terrified, not only of myself but about how everyone else would react. I still feel a bunch of different emotions towards it, somedays are better than others, and I'm incredibly happy but other days I'm just full of doubt.

2. Was it a process to accept yourself or was it more of a 'okay now that I know who I am, I feel instantly better'?
^

3. How did you come out to others?
The first person I came out to was one of my best friends and I just told her that I thought I might be trans. She was very excited for me. When I told my cousin it was because she was also going through the same exact thing and I was just like "I think I might be too."

Telling my mom was incredibly hard. I didn't really actually come out and say it before she just went "You want to be a man?"

For most people they found out through a letter I posted on my personal blog.

One of my friends that I recently reconnected with as she was leaving I just went "I'm trans by the way" which was funny because we weren't even anywhere near any topic like that.

I hope these answers help!

1. When you first realised you were LGBTQ+, what were your initial feelings?
When I was thirteen I first started having feelings for one of my close female friends when I identified as a girl. It was honestly just confusing. For years before I always thought being a lesbian was "gross". It didn't make any sense to me. I was confused and almost scared of what it meant to be queer. I didn't want to be a disappointment to my family. When I realized I was trans, it was... Different. It was a huge piece of the puzzle clicking into place and it just.. Kinda felt right. At first it was just gender fluid, but then I realized I'm not a girl at all. And the second time around it became easier. It was a huge relief.

2. Was it a process to accept yourself or was it more of a 'okay now that I know who I am, I feel instantly better'?
It was definitely a process for me when I thought I was lesbian because I was young and afraid of my family. My mom had me convinced for a while that it was just a phase. So that's all I saw it as. I told myself repeatedly it was a phase and I'd get over it. I never really did and eventually just told my mom I was sure of myself. When I realized I was trans, again, it was easier to process. I didn't struggle with it because it was these feelings I guess I'd always fought with. I always used to say I wish I was a boy, I just never knew being transgender was a thing.

3. How did you come out to others (if you did?)
The first time was difficult for me. I just sat my mom down and told her I was dating a girl. She freaked out. When I told my dad, he just told me he'd always accept me no matter what. A couple years later I came out on Facebook and started dating a girl that went to my high school. Everyone kinda pretended it didn't happen when we broke up. I told my parents I was trans straight out. They accepted it easier, but still struggle with pronouns. I haven't came out to the rest of my family, though.

I don't know if this helped any, but if you have any more questions just PM me! If anythings unclear just let me know as well. Good luck with your story!

@ park chanyeol
thank you! I want to write it fairly (hopefully) realistic and as a straight person I don't think it'd be 'fair' (not sure if that's the correct word) to write about an experience I'm not going to experience, if that makes sense? Like I want to do it justice.

Thank you for answering! It's so interesting to read other people's perspectives and especially to see that (so far) the experience has turned out to be a positive one.

Let me just say that I think it's great that you are using other people's experiences and words as research -- it shows that you really care!

1. When you first realized you were LGBTQ+, what were your initial feelings?
I was terrified, haha. I had grown us with a best friend who was like my sister who was crazy religious. I went to church with her and learned about the Bible and Christianity so knowing how much it's shunned in that circle was terrible. I actually became horribly homophobic in an attempt to...try and change myself maybe? Or not let people know? I don't remember my exact thinking, but I think I figured if I hated gay people, then I would hate the fact that I was a lesbian so much that it would go away and no one would've ever guess I liked girls. It was a really rough time for me.

2. Was it a process to accept yourself or was it more of a 'okay now that I know who I am, I feel instantly better'?
It was absolutely a process. I first started to realize my feelings about girls when I was about 13 and went through that homophobic stage until I was about 16 while slowly, very slowly, coming to terms with who I really was. Now I'm 1000% comfortable with myself.

3. How did you come out to others (if you did?)
I actually told all of my best friends via text message on National Coming Out Day when I was 16. 2 years after that I came out to my family, also on National Coming Out Day. I was a little more skeptical about what they'd think which is why I waited. My mom actually didn't believe me at first; she just thought I was bored and making it up (her words). She was never hateful or anything about it, she just kind of acknowledged that I said it in that moment and asked me the ever irritating "have you ever been with a girl?" question and then we didn't talk about it anymore. Since I've been with my first girlfriend for almost 2 years now, she gets it, haha

I'll give more coherent answers here ahahah

1. When you first realised you were LGBTQ+, what were your initial feelings?
Not great? Some kind of lowkey denial. I mean I attempted to accept them and only got halfway there before I just pretended I wasn't bisexual anymore. I only got to 'bicurious' and then I couldn't really accept myself. I have now, obviously, but being a bisexual thirteen - fourteen year old was complicated I guess.

2. Was it a process to accept yourself or was it more of a 'okay now that I know who I am, I feel instantly better'?
It was a subtle process, I think. I didn't actively go out of my way to accept myself, it just kind of started to happen and now I am here, completely accepted myself for who I am. And yeah, I feel a lot better for it.

3. How did you come out to others (if you did?)
I haven't come out to my parents yet. To others, I've been very casual about it. I guess I don't want to make a big deal out of it because then I'd be drawing too much attention to myself, haaa. But it was just a casual thing between my best friend and I.