In Need of Advice - Comments

@ alexander bernadotte

It's like I'm nervous/anxious over that, and I'm nervous/anxious over an actually relationship. Because all of them tend to led to that eventually. One of my ex's, I dated him for a year and I never really thought of us together that way. Probably because he had 2 kids, (from two different woman, which I knew getting involved with him), and I was like, "Nope," especially when he asked if I wanted a kid with him 8 months into the relationship. We'd never even had that conversation before. Not once.

@ J. Parrish
omg, i feel ya. i also feel weird having not experienced that, but at the same time, i see my parents' friends relationships and i just realize how badly i don't want something like that, y'know?

@ alexander bernadotte

Thanks. But I can see their point too. I guess if you date for a while, or like someone a lot, then you should get to that point with them and just get over it. I feel weird being this age and never having that experience.

I'm probably missing out, but I've heard a lot of "This is what I waited for?" from people, and apparently it's not all its cracked up to be. I know people who want to date, but don't want to sleep with someone, and maybe that's still okay.

@ J. Parrish
i understand. :( i hope you don't take those things to heart bc you have a lot more to offer to people. those guys aren't worth your time.

@ alexander bernadotte

There's a lot about me that turn guys off, because they expect certain things and I can't do it. I don't want to be with someone who would pressure me, or a stranger, but I also know guys don't wait around either. I'm a nervous person (and thus get tense), which should be taken into account, but I know how guys are. It's sad. So I've pretty much resigned to being single until I can get over all that. Because no one's going to want me like this, unless somehow I end up with someone who will work through this stupid crap with me.

Sorry, that's kind of too much information :\

Sometimes I want to reactive my account, but I know how things will go. I had one guy get pissed that I wouldn't give him my number right away (I'm not an on the phone person), and then he said how I shouldn't be part of the site because I don't want anything serious, that I'm kind of screwing with guys talking to them and also that my outlook on things was very sad (this guy messaged me twice within the span or a few months one time, he forgot who I was I guess)

@ J. Parrish
i was thinking the same about myself, but idk. it's really complicated. :/ and i think they are desperate. i had some guys who, on different dating sites as well, sent me the same messages. not like this guy, tho. he takes the cake. -___-

i get the cesspool, too. it's so sad and pathetic. it makes me feel the least bit sorry for these guys, but not really. and i've heard of the bar thing, too! i was considering that as well, but i feel ya, i have a hard time talking to people, too. i guess it just comes easy to people. :(

@ alexander bernadotte

I mean, maybe it's me too. Because I'm not what they expect. And I think that's just it. I'm expected, at least to them, to do this or that because I like them and decide to go on a date.

My friend thinks people on dating sites are desperate in a way. One of the people I met, apparently he's sends out like 20 messages to girls. I'm like, "That doesn't make you feel or seem desperate?" He doesn't get many responses though.

I, unfortunately, get the worst. It's a freakin cesspool, man. I don't know if I'm be any better meeting at a bar or something. I have a hard time just talking to people, and I've heard so many, "Oh, I just went up to this guy and got his number," like how did you even do that?

I also never used to be someone who bitched about wanting a relationship and shit, yet here I am.

@ J. Parrish
i feel ya about the douchy bit; it's not even worth it sometimes. and omg @ the 40 minutes guy. the hell?! two years is a while, bro, LOL.

but i've noticed this, too. they started off nice and courteous and after a while, that all fades and you see what's really under the unbuffered surface and you kinda figure out why these guys are still single and/or on those sites in the first place, lol.

@ Teddi Manni
i'm going to! c: it's just not worth it anymore.

@ alexander bernadotte
Thank you and you do you, girl! :)

@ alexander bernadotte

The last person I met, we went on a date and I had feelings for him. It got complicated after a while, because some stuff happened between us and it made me feel bad because I realized he didn't actually want that stuff, but only did it because I wanted to and he wanted me to be happy. We still hang out, and I hate that I keep thinking about all that stuff and how it didn't work out the way I wanted. I'm also really bad with rejection, so I back off and get distant, or cut the person out altogether (I didn't with him). I think the reason I'm still bothered by things is because he's the first person since my ex that I connected with (I have a hard time with that), and it just turned to such shit, ya know?

There was a guy after that, and we seemed to be connecting, so I asked if he wanted to meet up (I never ask first, so it's a big deal if I do), but I guess I was too forward, because he ended up disabling his account.

A majority of the guys I've met turned into assholes. One decided after the first and only date that the 40 minutes was too long distance wise. But I did hear from him a few months ago (after not hearing from him for like two years, uhh??) and he told he was sorry things didn't work out, and how he's still attracted to me so thinking of me with anyone makes him jealous.

Maybe you only get one shot at this online dating thing, and I did, so I guess everyone else won't measure up (not that I want to compare anyone). But they all seem sketchy or turn into douches. I can't win lol.

@ J. Parrish
i actually have had some super creepy sexual messages; i usually throw something witty back at the dude and block him, lol. and right?! no, i don't want to meet straightaway. it goes beyond compromising my safety at this point; you really never know who anyone is and i'd be uncomfortable, even in public.

i went on a date with one guy from one of the sites; he was nice but i didn't feel like we were connecting, so it just kinda fizzled out. i didn't go on any dates after that, but i did text two guys later on. one guy ended up finding me on fb without my permission and the other was just an arrogant prick.

i think it's a sign -- it means i just need to quit it and focus on myself, LOL.

@ Teddi Manni
oh my god, that's horrible!! i'm glad your mom was/is okay. :(

@ alexander bernadotte
I totally understand! My mkm is the same way. She felt bad for this one guy who was lonely and thinking he was all nice, she kept on talking and seeing him. I told him he was creepy with how much he talks to her and how forward,but she wouldn't listen. It ended up being a really bad situation but my mom didn't want to be mean.

Of course it's all up to the person. I can't make decisions or force anyone to do anything but where being kind to others is important, don't feel like you're being a bitch for looking after yourself first :)

I've had my fair share of creeps and weirdos on dating sites. It's really bad. Guys tend to just think they can say whatever they want and a girl will be okay with it. Have you had any super creepy sexual messages? Those are the worst -_- And guys tend to do the "We just started talking, but let's meet." No, nope. I really have to get to know someone before that happens. I haven't had much luck on there (I'd been on there on and off for a few years, met 6 guys, dated 1, and only 2 of that whole bunch still talk to me), so I stopped. And god forbid you tell a guy no for advances or meetings, holy lord do they throw a bitch fit.

@ raja sahara
ayy, it's true, LOL! but i'm just wondering how to even bring it up to someone like that? bc i keep thinking that maybe he doesn't realize that he's creepy. :/

first of all, thank you all for reading and replying. i really appreciate it. ♡

@ PoeticMess.
that's exactly what i told my parents; it's like talking to a wall, tho. i genuinely don't want to be in a relationship -- but i feel like i want to make my parents happy, y'know? but yeah, i agree with you, that's what i found creepy intially, too. when i say every website, i'm talking about every single website that i've been on. it makes me curious as to how he spoke/speaks to other girls on the sites. i mean, if he's so upstanding and all of that, why is he still on this site? i'm curious as to how he spoke to other girls and if he also told them the 'rest of my life' diddy and they might've cut contact, too? it might be something he doesn't realize that he's doing, i'm not sure. a lot of these guys don't get that it's something very serious to say to someone.

@ Teddi Manni
that's what i did today, for the most part, after he asked me out to lunch. i'm sure he'll text me again tomorrow and the next day. my problem is that i don't want to seem like a bitch. that's my main priority. unfortunately, there's no 'nice' way to reject someone, y'know? :/

@ c283283283
i believe that the point of dating is comfort. if you don't feel comfortable with the person initially, even before you meet face to face, you won't be comfortable when you finally meet them.

@ isak valtersen
i should've listened to my kill bill sirens in the first place, then maybe i wouldn't be in this stupid situation! Dx my parents and brother are saying that i should meet him -- "maybe he's nice! maybe you'll feel a connection!" maybe he is, but by the way he's talking now, that's the epitome of creepy. i already mentioned the connection bit to my mom. if i don't feel a connection with him now, then i doubt meeting face to face will change that. you can tell a lot about a person just by what they text. i'm just...not feeling it at all.

@ Subject A-5
i also tend to shy away from blocking people bc that's just mean, let's be real, lmao. i'm all about caution and safety, that's why i didn't agree to meet with him when he first offered. i mean, it could be that he's lonely, tho, but i also feel like there's a way to convey it in a way that sounds...better, y'know? but as of right now, i'm still on the fence as to what to do. i hope to figure this whole mess out in the next few days.

@ Average Lifesaver;;
it's something extremely off-putting; no worries, i've been there, too, in the past. i had a guy a few months ago texting me and asking me, "so when are you going to send me a more recent picture? when are you and i going to meet?" this went on until his arrogance got on my nerves and i blocked him. and i know i'm not obligated to worry about his feelings, but i do bc maybe he is really nice. i just really, really, really don't want to meet him -- be it yet or ever, idk.

I don't know why, but second dinner made me giggle a little

but anyways, if your gut is telling you this guy is creepy (and it seems like it is because this entire blog is just about him being creepy, no positive qualities), then don't go out with him. You don't deserve someone who gives you that feeling, you know? Regardless of what anyone else really says. That's just what it seems like to me, just reading this blog, there could be great things about him that you didn't talk about for relevancy purposes, but I honestly just think you should just leave it. Find someone great, who treats you well, who isn't creepy af, and go out with him

Okay. So once upon a time I was on tinder for five seconds and something somewhat similar happened to me. I literally walked myself into the same situation so don't beat yourself up, you're not an idiot! This guy, totally sweet, started talking to me but the texts felt somewhat constant and very eager, too. And it was kind of off putting. I can't describe it; nothing he said was offensive or particularly creepy but I felt ~pressured~ idk. So I started ignoring him. There was just something that didn't sit right with me. Was that legit, I don't know. But I just went with my gut.

So, tediously, I kind of suggest you do the same. If it doesn't feel right to you, just ignore his messages. If he doesn't leave you alone, block him. Don't worry about his feelings -- you are not obligated to. Just do what's best for you.

xx

Here's my advice (feel free to ignore it, haha)

I honestly think he sounds lonely. I don't personally find it creepy, I feel like he's probably desperate to find someone he feels a connection with and you must have fit that bill. Often people think men on websites are just straight up creepy but often the case is that they are desperately lonely and a website feels like their last chance to connect with a human being. You say it would be easier for you to get to know someone in a virtual setting and maybe it's the same reason he's on there - That same anxiety - Which I suppose if he wants to meet so bad, has been washed away by how nice your tone is when speaking to him (from what I can see.)

HOWEVER, My advice - Do not meet him. Not yet. Tell him you've thought about it and would really rather prefer to talk more before you make that kind of decision as your safety is paramount. Tell him something along the lines of, 'I just feel like we should get to know each other more first'. Although he may be absolutely harmless, There is nothing wrong with caution and if he is a good dude, he'll understand that - He may perhaps be a little confused or slightly offended (That's simply down to people looking too much into things sometimes, he may read 'NEVER YOUR WEIRD' from a nice response somehow) - and if you feel the need to clarify yourself, just state that you've had some bad experiences with meet ups too early before and that you're anxious to do so as early on as he suggests.

Or, you can just block him - But I tend to shy away from things like that, unless they've done something straight up creepy. Rejection hits some people very hard, especially when to them, a blocking, is immediate 'your a fucking weirdo' type of rejection and if their a stand up dude who maybe came on a bit too forward, that can be damaging mentally. I'd say if you did want to block him, just send a quick little message beforehand saying that he was a little too pushy for your liking and that you hope he finds love some day or something like that and then block immediately, so if he is a straight up dude, He'll know WHY it happened.

Either way, Goodluck and be safe <3

This sounds so bad, but honestly, he was giving me bad and creepy vibes from the start. Like... Kill Bill sirens.

Nevertheless, if you're that uncomfortable and your gut is saying no, then going out with him shouldn't be an option. You shouldn't force yourself into a situation that actually makes you panic just thinking about it. Don't do something you don't want to do that will potentially hurt you (whether physically, mentally or emotionally) because your parents expect it of you. I, honestly, would block him and continue on with my life because he does seem creepy and you don't have any desire to continue talking to him.

Be safe!

I don't think he's being creepy. You can tell when you really like someone or not, even if you don't know them very well. Maybe he thinks he can just tell that you and him would get along really well. It's better to date someone like him than someone who is all distant and weird and never makes a move, trust me.