Not Up To Me

So I’ve been waiting on this guy for a while. I’ve pretty much liked him for two years. He finally likes me back (hallelujah!). But (there’s always a but) he’s still having trouble getting over his last relationship. He doesn’t like her, but he’s hurt from her. He’s not ready to date me but I’ve been ready to date him. I’m just sitting here waiting around for him and I feel really pathetic. Nothing in my life is going right.
Why can’t there just be one thing that’s right? Not even things at home are ok! I mean my home life isn’t awful but we’re going through a hard time right now. If you’ve read my other journal you know my best friend and I are no longer friends. And to top it all off my birthday is next week. I want to be excited about it but I just can’t see it being memorable for the right reasons.
The guy and I might go see a movie today so I’m excited about that but there’s always that nagging voice in the back of my head saying, “you guys are just friends”.
I just don't know what he's going to do. Will he ask me out or just keep leading me on? I'm so lost. I can't do anything so I'm just leaving it up to him.

Its not up to me anymore. If you want me in your life you'll find a way to put me there.