Help me help my stupidself.

From the moment the word, perfection came to mind, I knew everything was doomed. As cynical as that is, it's just as realistic. Face it girls, think of a time when everything was going your way. You're passing even the hardest classes, your face is zit free, you're wearing your favorite bra, and the guy you love, loves you. You figure, what the hell, I'll ride this wave for everything it's worth. Then, it spits you out and your left without your board or shorts. I guess that's the problem with us, though, we soak up the good in something and are too high on it, to see the rock in the road. Before we can avoid it, we've hit that rock and it's to Hell from there. However, its those experiences that shape us. Have you ever thought, though, that after you picked yourself up and dusted your body off, that you would've been just fine without that experience? Your world would've continued to spin, right?

My problem, I lost myself in the biggest wave I've ever felt, but suddenly I remember: I can't swim. I fall off my board and like the loser I am, I sink to the bottom of the ocean, waiting to become fish food. Then that boy. That stupid, perfect, gorgeous, boy comes along. Cliche right?

Please, I'm sixteen, life doesn't get any less cheesy right now.

Suddenly, that boy isn't so perfect. Suddenly, I'm not so perfect, either. There we are, sitting at the bottom of the ocean, holding hands like nothing is wrong. But, that's the thing. It's all wrong. Forgive me, I'm speaking in metaphors to make this stupid story just a bit more interesting for those who care to read it.

I look into those eyes. You know what I'm talking about, those eyes. The kind you have to look up too, because he'd seventeen and a at least a foot taller than you. Though, I'm not sure I've met anyone with those big, beautiful eyes. I don't seem 'em much, he's far to shy to look me in the eyes. When I do, though, I see the most interesting scheme of blue and green, with the strangest rim of yellow. Almost like he's on drugs, without the nasty blood shot effect. I look into those eyes, and realize I've been seeing what I want to, not whats always there. He's a good person, I love him with everything in me, but he's not a perfect person.

None of us are.

I've never been the type to sit around, I need to get out, to taste every taste. I want to fall ass backwards into insanity. I want to feel passion, heat, and love. I dont want to weigh 100 pounds. I want to dance like there's no tomorrow and laugh with my friends. I want to walk around in my undies. I want to race shopping carts, skinny dip, and eat brownies for breakfast. I want to make love in the back of an Avenged Sevenfold concert, to the sound of Johnny Christ's bass solo at the end of Blinded In Chains.[Excuse me for being blunt] I want to fly off the Grand Canyon. I'm a little destructive, but I'm always safe.

For give me, now I'm speaking in oxymorons.

With all that in mind, I fell in love with the most reserved, shy person on earth. He loves me more than I've ever felt, he kisses me in just the right way, and whispers loving things in my ear. All those things I want, though, are not at the top of his list. I'm not sure if he has 'a list'.

So, what do you do with that?

Loving the boy I do is a constant laugh for us, with a blush for him.

But, how do you tell that one person, that you may love them more than anything else in the world, that they light all the right fireworks. But, you don't want to miss all those things you want, that you want them next to you always. But, you're afraid that they'll walk away, or worse, commit you.

I'm totally insane; I get that. You may just be getting to this part and wondering why you just wasted your time reading this. If that's what you're thinking, then bummer for you. I didn't write this to please anyone; I wrote it because I needed to. Having said that, if you're going to say something that's gonna make a bad day worse. Save it.

But, if you have something to say that might help me help my stupid self--say it.