Matt Delanko R.I.P. (we all love you forever. shit and giggles, man because it's fricking A. i'm so sorry)

last saturday one of my really good friends died, but i didn't know. i didn't watch the news and i haven't been answering my phone for a while. i feel like the worst friend ever because it feels like i abandon him when he never abandon me. i didn't find out until like five minutes ago and his wake was today and i didn't get to say my final goodbyes. my friends say that he didn't look like Matt. they made him tan when he was pale, he didn't have his glasses or his hat, and his hair was for once combed back. not him at all. in a way no one believes he's gone. well they didn't until today. we all knew he was gonna die young but not a week before his 20th birthday. i miss him so much. there's gonna be a party for him on saturday but i don't wanna go. i just wanna curl up in a ball and sleep. never to wake again. he was the best friend anyone could ever want. he didn't hate without good reason. you know it's true what they about the death of someone bring people together. Matt bought so many people together who hated each other. he was an awesome person. i don't know what happened to him exactly but i know it's not fair. he was supposed to beat the odds. i'm crying so hard right now and i can't seem to stop. i miss him with all my heart. and the pain i feel will never go away and really i don't want it to. i loved him. i love him. and i never told him.

mara