Temptation

I've pretty much just come to the realisation that while the people here aren't that bad compared to others, this school is much worse than my last. Two boys I know have been suspending for being in a pub during school hours, with another underage boy (who is only a few weeks off being 18) having bought them alcohol with a fake id. A girl I know lost her virginity in year 8. Guys I thought were alright do drugs sometimes (I think), and I definitely know they smoke weed. And guys from my class skipped a period today (which I didn't notice) to go off and smoke. Girls go off with guys to make out at parties, and get fingered.

It's all sort of bombarding me at once. At my old school, none of my friends had had sex (one tried a few weeks ago, but got a bit freaked out and said it hurt, so she didn't), none of my friends did drugs, smoked or drank (maybe the occasional drink, but parents didn't mind that), and we didn't have parties, we didn't go off to make out with boyfriends and all that. If someone did do drugs or smoked, we knew who they were exactly.

And now I'm wondering what it'd be like to be one of the more popular people. Try drinking. Try making out with someone I barely know. Smoke a normal cigarette, which I NEVER want to do, but I do at the same time! My dad used to smoke, and I always got it cos he drove a truck. My grandpa died from lung cancer at Christmas a few years ago. I always have the feeling that if I try, I'll get addicted. I never want to do drugs, but I want to know what it's like to be high just once. I want to skip class, and not worry about missing work or being noticed or having it followed up. I don't want to worry about stupid things anymore! I worry about things I do every day, like buses, class times, even getting food!