Miserable and hating it.

All right guys. Here we go. Today, we're talking about me. My misery. Starting now.

Okay. My parents suck. And now they don't trust me. Because I forgot to bring a progress report home.

For the past four months, I've basically been raising myself. I haven't had a mom, and now suddenly she wants to be involved in my life again. I don't understand why; I know she doesn't care. It hurts me to see her smoking and doing these things I don't approve of. She was tearing out family apart and she didn't care.

"Things are better now," they keep saying. Well, I'm not okay. I'm still angry- no, furious. I'm really hating her for what she's been doing to me every single day. Maybe that's mean to say, she's my mother, but I honestly don't care right now. If she's allowed to be selfish, then so am I. I know I'm supposed to have "respect" but I can't. She doesn't respect me; she forgets everything that's important. I can be crying in front of her and she won't notice. It really really hurts. And I don't know if I'll ever forgive her. I'm so angry, and maybe she's trying to fix things, but I don't care. I'm still so angry, and I don't want to be. Yet I do.

My writing has gotten a lot "deeper" as some of you have mentioned. It's because I absolutely pour my soul into my writing; it's one of the only things that keep me sane. I love what I do, and I will do it for the rest of my life. I can't even bring myself to update my happier stories. I'm afraid to tell my parents; they won't accept it or any of the things I write about. They just don't understand how much it means to me. They don't get it. No one does. People try to, but they don't. That's not their fault.

I'm tired of bitching to my best friend. I know she cares, and she loves me, and she's helped. But I just feel bad dumping all of this crap on her. I wish I could talk to her as much as I used to.

Then there's him, who I absolutely love. I love him, and so so much. No joke. And it sucks, because he'll never love back. If he didn't before, he certainly won't now. I wish I could see him everyday; I want to go back to my old school so badly. I'm going to try. This isn't working. I love him, he got older and more attractive, and I'm still the same. More girls fawning over him. I've been here the WHOLE TIME! I would do anything for him, absolutely anything, and he doesn't see that. And it kills me. He makes me cry so much, as if that wasn't something that wasn't happening already.

I feel like my life is going so fast and I'm still standing there wondering where everyone went. I feel so helpless and tired all the time; thank god for music. Without it I'd be nuts.

I think that's it. I apologize for being stupid and taking up your time with this. Comment if you wish.