I dont deserve anything if i am just going to throw it away

Today was the day that i did something so stupid. i got drunk and really high and then i drove to my kitty's house. She didnt know and she found out and i just broke down. I know its dumb to drink and drive and i dont want to here the fucking shit about that cause i dont want to fucking hear it.

I am so stupid that i would go and do something so stupid and risk throwing away everything that is good in my life. Drinking has always been a problem for me every time that i drink i just break down and then drink so much that i passout or just get so sick.

I also pushed my self on her that i did something that i didnt want to do like that and i feel so ashamed and i am just so afraid that she is going to push me away.... you know what i think that i deserve it anyway to do some thing so fucking stupid. This is the stupidest thing that i could do and i am never going to touch alcohol again bad things happen when i am around that shit... I am so sorry for what i have done and i just dont know what to say...