I'm losing in the game of LIFE and i dont mean the board game!

Why do i think im losing the game of life?!?

Well for starters I'm 18 years old and never had a boyfriend. I've liked guys but they've never liked me back. I've had guys like me but every guy that likes me is either 2+ years younger or guys that are really creepy and dont know how to let go until after they've hurt you a lot.

I'm homeschooled so i haven't experienced high school. I've taken classes up at my high school and made a couple friends and done sports and stuff, but I haven't really experienced high school. I haven't gone to any high school dances or plays, i go to a couple of the football games but that it.

I don't have real friends. Yeah i have some friends from church or swim, or people i've taken classes with. But they arent real friends. The only real friends i have are the people i see in the summer. But i dont always feel like they are my friends either. And most of the time i seem to if i make friends or semi friends they are always younger then me not really my age.

My family doesnt even feel like they are my family. I have a bunch of cousins none of which are really my age. So now when its family gatherings I pretty much sit with all my aunts, uncles my parents and grandparents while the one cousin that is my age is all over her boyfriend. It gets really annoying when I'm with my family and I feel like a complete stranger.

The couple times that I've actually had a best friend they've been taken from me by somebody else. They may not mean to do it but they do EVERYTIME! They still don't even realize that they have basically abandoned me.

I try to do everything my parents tell me to but half the time they are being unreasonable. Like with reading certian books or watching certain things some I understand but others don't really make sense.

My day's keep getting longer. I always feel so tired and groggy. I'm never really happy anymore I havent been in a long time. I seem to hid it pretty well because whenever I look 'happy' people think I'm miserable which I am and when I look 'miserable' I'm apparently happy. I try not to bother people with my problems because it can't be nice having a 'friend' that's always so miserable so I just try to lock it away from everyone. I always feel like I'm alone and that nobody sees me anymore. Like I'm here and people know it but they just ignore me they don't care about me anymore.

Something else and this is scaring me to death! I believe that God exists and that everything in the Bible is true. But I just feel like I'm slowly slipping away. Slipping into the dark of the unknown. That with todays views that there is no God, no heaven or hell that I'm going to die and theres nothing there. I'm scared that one of these days I'm just going to wake up and I'm no longer going to believe in anything and that everything is going to go away that I'm going to completely lose EVERYTHING!

I'm scared that I get married and have a family and right now that is what I won't more then anything. Yeah I know I'm only 18 but thats what I want. Do I want to work yeah, I want to be a preschool or kindergarten teacher. I want to work with kids, I LOVE kids to death. They are the best. But I'm scared that with they way things are going that I'm going to slip into a major depression and I wont get to do any of these things. I'm afraid that I won't find a guy so that I can get married and have kids which totally scares me. I keep feeling like things aren't going to work out and I'm just going to completely give up and become a Nun which is SO NOT HAPPENING!

These are the things that make me believe that I'm losing at the game called LIFE!