Some people really disgust me. <_<

I'm so confused, sad, and pissed at the moment. I'll most likely say things that do not make sense or sound stereotypical; sorry.

Being fat.

It's horrible.

Really.

I must eat 20 boxes of twinkies, chug 8 bottles of mountain dew, and stuff my mouth 24/7 with disgusting, calorie filled junk. Oh yes. I sure do.

That's why I'm fat, right?

Not exactly you ignorant pricks! (No one on mibba. xP)

Every person that hates fat girls always say it's because they have no self control when it comes to eating, which isn't always true. Medical conditions cause weight gain, medications, what ever. Not just over eating.

I am big because I took medication for my bipolar and depression that caused weight gain; i admit I may of eating some junk food when I was a kid, but not all the time. the label on the bottle even states that it causes weight gain. I have two friends that took the same medication, both gained a lot of weight while on it; when they stopped taking it, they slimmed down. A lot. Ever since I stopped taking it, I have lost a lot of weight for no reason. i love sports, but I haven't played them that much lately.

Anywho.

A lot of the TV shows I've seen lately just scream " FAT GIRLS ARE HORRIBLE! TO BE BEAUTIFUL AND LOVED, ONE HAS TO BE SKINNY!" Ugh. Dating shows have mostly skinny gals, some comedies are only funny because they make fun of bigger woman, some big girls that had the balls to do something on a reality TV show or something gets laughed at, what ever. A lot of the celebrities I've seen that get so much attention from everyone are skinny or look like skeletons. It's gross.

I don't know if it's just me, but every celebrity I see now a days are thin, not curvy. There's some, but not ones that stick in my head because media pays a whole lot of attention to them. I don't know.

I'm on the verge of crying because I feel worthless and like a piece of shit because I'm not thin. I am so paranoid! Every time I see someone look at me or laugh, i think they're looking at me thinking "she's fucking ugly and fat. Dumb bitch deserves to die" or the group is laughing at me because I'm big. Fucking paranoia. I hate wearing shitty clothes. I have found my share of clothes that are nice, but seeing shirts,pants, or bathing suits that are made for the ultra-skinny gals hurts me. I hate buying clothes. I used to love it; now I don't.

RAWR!

I don't HATE skinny people. I just hate the ignorant, careless ones. i know skinny people that are so awesome and caring. It's the guys that worry me.

I know not all guys are like this, but I've sen my share of men that are.

They think fat girls are hideous, disgusting, and need to die because they're bigger.
How sad.

Most of the guys at my school are not really into fat girls. Friends maybe, but as a girl friend, they'd rather die.

Sheesh.

I may sound hypocritical saying this, but I'd rather date a skinny dude. While, one with an athletic body or what ever. That's where i step into their crowd. To me, it proves that bigger girls can find boy friends, and even ones that are not big like them. Plus it'd be an awesome self-esteem boost. Ha.

I don't think I will find a boyfriend anytime soon. Maybe in 10 years...LOL. I'm too shy and bitchy. I honestly don't think I will ever find a boy friend; ah well. Life sucks and then you die.

It still makes me sad though. To the point where I came close to suicide; I do not want people knowing I died that way, so that stops me. My life is such shit though; I have no idea what to do!

Yes, I've been to mental hospitals. Woo fucking hoo! At least I have the balls to admit it on the internet.

I may be going back there though. <_< . Although it has never helped too much in the past, people seem to think it's a good thing. Morons. xP.

Anyways..

I'm too sad and mad at the moment; I can't think straight.

CSI Miami is on so I'm out....

xD