My True Self by Andrew L. Herrera

I first realized that I was gay when I was about nine. I knew that I liked boys; I just didn’t know what it was. I didn’t really think it was bad. I thought it was common. As I got older I found out what it was called to like boys and then I found out some of the slurs. I started to hear other boys yelling them at kids that they didn’t like as a form of insult. That was when I decided that it was crucial for me to hide myself. I couldn’t let anyone know that I was gay, especially not my friends.
I didn’t have many friends in the seventh and eighth grade when I came to this decision. I only had a few good ones that are still my friends to this day. Even though they were such good friends, I had it in my mind that they would never understand what it’s like and the minute I told them, they would never speak to me again.
I started to come out probably in my sophomore year in high school. The first person that I told was my best friend Jasmine. She was so excited to have a gay best friend. When I realized her reaction, I thought that maybe coming out wouldn’t be so bad. I started coming out to more and more people, slowly.
My best friend from the seventh and eighth grade, Tomas, went to a different high school than I did due to where he lived. We got separated, but still kept in touch. We went on a trip with my family together and it was there that I told him. He seemed a little bit weird about it at first, but he soon got more comfortable with it. He was the one who first encouraged me to come out to my parents.
So, after about a few weeks of deliberation, I finally decided to tell them. It was the hardest decision that I’ve ever had to make, so far. I decided to come out to them on a Sunday morning. I couldn’t even eat breakfast because my stomach was full of knots.
I called my parents into the living room and sat them down in front of the couch. I began to pace in front of them. They sat silently, looking up at me. My heart was beating so hard it felt as though it would beat out of my chest. I started to speak, but couldn’t because my voice was so shaky. I eventually got it out and was relieved to find out that they were completely okay with it.
Of course they needed a little time to deal with it, but I didn’t blame them. It’s not like I came to terms with it over night. We don’t talk about it much now, but I know that they accept me. The most important thing that I gained out of this ordeal was that I finally accepted my true self.