I'm complaining. Yes, this is rant. So if you're, you know, not into those you can click the back bottom.
I'm so goddamn bitter right now to the point where I just...I've got tears burning my eyes. I just want my own strawberry field. Have you ever felt like that?
Like you needed just one empty place of somewhere for yourself where no one can break the barrier to? It could be all yours, nobody else's. Just your own.
I need that so desperately. This girl. This girl has haunted me. Her name is Joanna and she is a completely witch. Despite the fact that she went out with the boy that I've liked for four years.. yet have no friggen intention of getting with because hey, I'm just not his type, not as popular as he is, not as pretty as all those other girls that want him, I don't like her for numerous reasons. Yet now, she's everywhere.
I'm in the church youth group and we're putting on a play and BAM since her now
ex-boyfriend's in it...so is she. I've been with the youth group since the beginning and all because she said that she liked a part...she gets it. But me? No, I'm yet to be named though I know can sing better than she can. That's just crap. I didn't want the part she wanted, but yet I didn't get the part that I wanted even though everybody said I could nail it perfectly and that I should have gotten the part. I said I liked it...yet I'm still nameless in the play. She's making everything awkward because her and the boy just broke up. She's everywhere.
Now, I work with said boy and he's really really nice there when he's not with his friends and I take advantage of that and get him to talk to me as much as I possibly can.
So now....who works there just after the break up? Yes, yes she is there too.
She just applied. But this wasn't before the breakup. No, this was after. It's like she's stalking him even though it's obvious he doesn't want her around.
I'm working 23 hours a week, and the days I have off I have to go to band for two hours after doing the piles of homework that I have from AP courses.
I don't have any time for myself anymore. I know, no one ever said life was fair. I'm completely aware of that. But damn it, I'm still a kid. I should be getting into trouble, hanging out with my friends, buying crap that I don't need and in four years will wonder what the hell was going through my mind when I bought it. Instead, I'm working 23 hours a week to pay for my own car insurance, spending my nights in doing loads of homework, helping around the house and getting bitched at for...well, absolutely nothing, and being a third parent because of all the running around my folks have to do.
I can't ever hang out with my friends because I'm so busy, I hardly have anytime for myself. I know...I honestly shouldn't complain, I've got my health, and a computer, I'm better off than most. But hell, I'm a teenager, and teenagers are programed this way.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't have a place I can escape to anymore. I need that place to keep myself from breaking apart and now it just feels like there's a rain cloud always over my head. Always, nothing lucky happens. I get so many bad breaks. I've had few lucky ones and I've held onto those with my life.
Do you ever feel like you need that one place to escape?
Has that one place ever been taken over and left you with nothing?
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