Through Times of Good and Bad

I find it amazing to look at myself and see where I am now. Happily waitressing, (right now just on weekends) madly in love with the guy of my dreams, and content with the way I am living my life.

About when I was in 5th grade is when I started getting depressed. My father had liver cancer, and was unable to just take care of himself, and my mother was working 12 hour shifts to pay the bills, and the church I go to was giving us pitty money.

But since she was gone in the evenings, I had to take care of him, cleen, cook, homework, and do extra things. It was a lot of stress on me at that age, so every night I would cry myself to sleep just wishing that my father, my own blood, would die. That he would die so I could live a normal life. How aweful was that?

So after 3 years, that came true. He finally had gotten a transplant, and he was up and walking and doing VERY well. But one day, the nurse comes in and makes him get up, and he new he didn't have the strength so he kept saying "No, not today," but she forced him to get up and walk, and while doing that he fell, and they were unable to save him in time.

He died just like that, at the age of 53, so young, and it was all because the nurse wouldn't listen to him, all because he fell. And NOW that makes me realize JUST how precious our lives are. and notices how I said NOW.

After my father passed away, I went STRAIGHT downward. I became so depressed, I wouldn't eat, and I began to cut myself. And during times when I couldn't get a hold of a knife, I would just scratch my arms until they were raw and bleeding.

It was like watching the blood ooze out, was like watching all my problems go away. At least thats how it felt then. I was so numb, I never cried after he passed away. I regretted never saying goodbye, and I never got to say "I love you" one last time.

So after about 6 months of that living hell and nightmare. I met three of the most importand people of my life. Joey, Tasha, and Matt.

Matt I met first out of the three. A cute and charming boy from England. He really changed my life dramatically. He helped me get out of depression, and just like, saved me.

Tasha I met secondly. Amazing girl she is really, beautiful and talented thats for sure. She is now dating Matt, and is the best friend I could possibly ask for, she as well, helped me throught many things.

Last but DEFINATELY not least, is the wonderful and handsome Joey. He completed me. He gave me a reason to live, and I love him more then anything else in this world. I can't imagine life without him now.

So now I look back at all my times of bad, and I realize that they made me who I am today.

A better, and stronger person.