Whispers

It's a bit funny. How my last entry, about wishing my sister would get better, was the day before she died. How interesting is it to finally appreciate something, and then have it taken away from you like a little kid loosing their balloon. Or having it popped.

There's a lot I could say. Alot I wish I would've done. It's been almost 3 months now, since she passed away. And I can honestly say that everyone in this house has gone a little crazy. My mother's constantly tired and little off the hinges, if you know what I mean. My step-father has major mood swings. My brother became all Spiritual all of a sudden. And me? Well, I just haven't been the same.

And I'll tell you another thing. I have never felt so lonely in my life. I know that I'm loved. I know that I probably am the luckiest sucker alive when it comes to friendships. I have the best friends in the world. They keep me grounded and tell me if I'm acting stupid or baby-ish. I love them so much. I don't think they know exactly how much I appreciate them. But even though they are the most beautiful people inside and out, nothing can replace the emptiness I feel without my sister around. I spent most of my day with her, 365 days a year, for eleven years. I miss her. But I think that the whole ordeal hasn't been as dramatic to me as my parents feel it is. I guess I'm still in that disbelief stage. It feels like she was just sent away on vacation or something, and that she'll come back soon. but she won't and somehow, it doesn't seem to want to process in my head.

I go to sleep now, looking at the bed next to mine, and see no one there. Just an empty bed, still made, with all of her dolls on top of it. We shared a room, the two of us. She understood me more than I thought she did. Beforehand, a couple of years ago, I always wanted a room to myself. But now, I wish I had never said that.

However, things have been letting up and now, I'm having a little bit more fun. :/. Iknow, that's a little off.