Are you there, God?

Are you there, God? I think you are. I went to church today. I felt you. Please God, if you hear me bring me back to reality. I lost my grip, and I'm sinking back into the black abyss of depression. Why won't anyone talk to me? What are you trying to teach me? I am so incredibly bored, and angry, and paranoid, and frustrated. Like usual. God, why? Why do I always feel like this? What am I doing wrong? What am I supposed to do?!? Show me and I'll do it! I can't fucking deal with it anymore! I can't live for blips of happiness. I can't sink, and suffocate under my loneliness for the hope that tomorrow might be better.

I'm taking the damn Lexapro. I'm going to the damn therapy. Why do I feel desperate still? Why am I suddenly terrified that everyone hates me? Everyone that I thought loved me is going to leave me, I know it. They tell me you won't leave me God. Is it true? It's what I hear. But God, why don't I feel you when I need you the most? How do I know I'll ever come out of this hole? If I do, how do I you you'll be at the top of the hole, waiting for me? Will you help pull me out?

I'm sinking in my darkness God. If you're there, show me some fucking light. You know how bad I need it.