To Leave Is Not Always To Be Gone...

...but it certainly feels that way.

I'm moving from where I am now to Hilton Head in the very beginning of November.

To say the VERY least, I'm extremely nervous. Let me tell you, I have had like 3 panic attacks in a week, and I don't know how many of you have ever had a panic attack or know what one is like, but they are absolutely miserable, especially when paired with depression at any level. Your chest closes up and you feel like you can't breathe, and your vision gets blurry, and your heart feels like it's slowing.

My mother got a job down South, and my friends all say that it's really selfish of her to bring me along this close to the end of High School, and maybe they're right, but I've lived with my mom long enough to know that her way is the only way that you don't feel horrible adhering to. She will cry and make you feel like the guiltiest woman on earth if she needs to, and even though I know she's not legit and she just wants her way, I have to give in if I want to survive.

Well, honestly my two biggest problems are my friends up here and lack of friends there. My friends here are putting a lot of pressure on me to stand up to my mom and say I won't go, and I don't know if they know how difficult it is for me to do that, but it hurts that they think I have any say in the matter.

And as to my lack of friends, well, that's another story. I just don't want to end up making friends because I change myself to get them, because that's how it works sometimes, and I hate making myself seem more interesting than I really am in order to get friends. I'm not really as outgoing as I may seem, or certainly as I seem to all the authority figures at my school.

Ugh, whatever. Just kill me now.