Grounded And Suicidal?

Okay! So...I'm grounded.
And that means I only get one hour on the computer a day,
And well today that hour is nearly up.
Long story short...My parents think I stole my "friend" Madison's wallet,
Which F.Y.I, I didn't, but my parents have never trusted me much,
And they also found out about a party I went to last week which got me pissed,
And yeah.
So hmmm...
I hate my parents.
I probably always will.
I have for a while now.
They caused me to cut for the first time in nearly a month...
And I was going so good.
And it's not like it was just one cut with a sharpener blade,
I just got a razor,
Like one you shave with,
And cut over and over and over,
In the same spot,
And then in new spots.
So now my leg resembles...
Actually I dunno what it resembles...
It's just very sore and bloody.
It won't stop bleeding.
I had like a 4 hour phone call to one of my friends last night,
And as soon as we went to bed after we hung up,
I just started crying again.
It's like...
While I hear his voice,
Nothing else matters.
Like I even rang someone who I usually talk to about everything,
And I was bawling my eyes out while on the phone with him.
But when Zac made me ring him,
Everything was fine.
How can he do that?
Make me feel like all the shit doesn't matter?
He makes me feel special.
And like I have a reason to stay alive.
But I dunno,
I really don't think I can do this anymore.
I'm not strong enough for this shit...
No one cares...
No one will give a fuck...If I die.
Except maybe Zac,
And he doesn't even know me...
How much longer can I keep fooling myself?
Seriously, everyone has to die eventually,
It might as well be now for me.
But I just can't bring myself to do it without saying goodbye to Zac...
Or to Daniel, Emery, Andrew and Matt...

This is what I get like,
When my depression takes over.
Emery told me I should try to get anti depressants for it,
But I don't want to.
I don't want to feel like a crazy person.
I want to be happy...
But it's not going to happen.
They were meant to stop me cutting,
They were meant to make me happy.
I shouldn't feel like this right now.
I can't do this anymore...