I must be mad.

I was watching his videos, pictures of him with his friends.
how could i ever think that with all his great, fun, pretty friends.
he would ever like me?

i know, i know, all my journals are wingey moany 'oh i want him' journals but

....

i do!!

i don't know why i let myself hope again, and again though

he DOESNT like m

but then the hopeful side goes

yes he does

and confuses me again
its like both sides of my brain, the pessimist sde and the optimist side are battling for the title of 'final decision'

i havent seen him since that day.. (see last journal)
okay
so i was only last week
but...
he never rang- i knew he wouldnt, but its still disappointin you know, when time passes and you realise that, yes, you were right, he's disappointed you again.

why do i even like him when he disappoints me all te time.

____________________________________________________

my 'friend' totally pissed me off yesterday
convo went like this

E(friend):So, you're frigid aren't you?
M(me): No, i told you...
E: told me what?
M: About.. Oh! you weren't at L's sleepover so you don't know.... :) i confessed!
E: So..
M: well, it was only a kiss. Nothing much really.
E: yeah... :S so who was it?
M: I'd rather not really say.
E: Why not?
M: makes face well, i just don't wanna say. you wouldnt know him anyway.
E: So... was it a girl?
M: No! ((bearing in mind she doesnt know im bi.. it was kinda rude....)
E: Well.. blah blah shit shit shit...
M: I'm not Frigid E. Just because im not a whore like you. i don't wanna sleep around. Doesn't mean im frigid. It means I'm waiting for the right person
Other E (other friend): yeah shut up E
Other E pushes E in bush, we run off

E is pissing me off atm tbh.
gah

so yeah.
thats the kind of thing waiting for him does to me!!