e-***in-motional

i hate being emotional. about anything, it messes witht the way you think.
so i was trying to act reasonably when i fownd out. fownd out that my beloved boyfriend maybe be cheating on me ... with a guy. I've been putting it off, looking for the right time. but we haven't been able to have a real convo since i fownd out last weekend. he's been high, or had to do stuff for him mom, and i've been drunk or had to do stuff for my mom, or my internet was gonna go out(my fuckface of a stepfater set it up so my net went out a 12am till today). And now i'm thinking; "what if he is?" "what if I'm just sitting here letting him do it?" and it's really getting to me. it's making me emotional. i can't think right. i can do is think "what if..."