You know what? I guess the hardest thing about high school’s final year, is neither the senior math nor the complicated requirements, or at least for me, those and things alike aren’t what makes it seem unbelievably ‘hard’.
It’s actually the preparation for having to leave this kind of lifestyle you have led for the past four years. And that preparation and that sort of stuff are a lot harder than anybody could imagine. There’s this pressure you think is implied unto you by the subjects, the teachers, and the responsibilities, but there is a more complicated pressure than that which could actually push you to the limits, both emotionally and socially.
Just imagine, the responsibility being carried by people who want to make the most out of everything. It’s hard, for the more you try, the more you wouldn’t want to let go of everything, everyone…
It’s not actually something all of us should do, but it is something all of us think and feel like we should do.
Problems will be there, same goes with misunderstandings and incompatibilities, and all of those things make it all harder than it should. You know the feeling when something goes completely wrong, when something goes completely out of hand and you couldn’t help but cry, for you know the clock is ticking, the days are passing by very fast although it's always one at a time, and all you want is for everything to end up in joy and contentment as it all comes down to one thing… separation.
I know it’s not only for me. I know it’s for almost everybody who’s facing the same scary thing that’s eagerly waiting for us already… the collegiate level.
No, it’s not the thing that awaits us that scares us. It’s those things it requires us to leave behind… the people, most especially. You’ll only get to meet a kind of person ‘once in your lifetime’, like… leave her, and she’s gone. You’ll never find anybody like her ever again. And that is what hurts me the most at the moment.
No ‘what if’s’ are involved right now, because it is sure to happen. And letting go of her without letting her know how much she means to me would be the biggest thing I would ever regret. No exaggerations and really true. It’s what scares me the most.
Right now, upon typing this insane uhh… whatever, I can actually hear our grandfather’s clock ticking loudly, let alone the fact that it is echoing inside the room I’m in at the moment and the fact that I’m the only person awake right now.
Every tick of it is like a burden being put on my shoulder after the other.
Time is running out. If only pleading could make it stop even for just a moment so I could let out a sigh of relief, I would…
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