amanda palmer may just be another one of my heroes : a tragic rant about almost everything and nearly nothing.

a tragic rant about almost everything and nearly nothing

Dear all mibba-goers.

I am so sorry I haven't been on in what feels like years. I abandoned Mibba unintentionally but I believe I'm back. I am trying to go on as much as possible. I've just had to deal with a lot of shitty people, school, and my unexplainable worn-out tiredness that has been affecting me for at least 4 weeks now. And yes, that worn-out good for nothing tiredness that I've been feeling for over a month now has <hopefully> momentarily put an end to my 3 am story updates every night that I was so used to for a while. And the sad part, this tiredness I've been going through has put me ready for sleep at a measly 8 pm every night. I am exhausted all day, wiped out completely by 6 pm, and falling asleep at 8 pm. It's rather strange.

Moving on; I am so sick of having to deal with shitty people. It's one thing if I antagonize them by calling attention to myself and doing things to them. But the truth is, I am nothing but nice to every one I encounter. I don't want to patronize myself but I go out of my way to make sure I can please and be nice to every one. My group of best friends that I've had since last June, and have been around with out a single problem or fight or anything, now suddenly believes that I start all this random shit and they tell every one that they hate me. They hate me!? First off, even if I strongly dislike some one, I never truly hate them and I always treat them kindly (not in a misleading way, but I don't do anything mean back to them). Second, these are the people who I have gone to for help when I needed it, gave help when they needed it, and clicked so well with them. I have my suspicion of who is telling them that I've said and done all this stuff to hurt them (when I haven't) but I always give every one the benefit of the doubt even when the evidence is plain to see. And it always ends up coming around and making it worse for me. It's gotten to the point where people who they know that I barely know now think I do all this stuff that I would never dream of doing. This stuff ranges from spilling secrets (which, by the way, I never even knew until I was confronted about it) and saying horrendous stuff about people I truly love. I don't understand why some one could be so manipulative and mean to some one. I don't understand why this person would tell my best friends, who I care deeply about, that I would do this unimaginable stuff to. It really and truly bothers me. And the worst part is, as much as I'm telling the truth; I know that they will continue believing this person because they knew her longer than me.

On a lighter note, I've been listening to Amanda Palmers new solo CD (Who Killed Amanda Palmer) and it's, at the least, amazing! I've also found some old Dresden Dolls songs and I've been listening to those too. (672, The Kill, Truce, and Slide) I love the feeling in these songs and they help me out. (Along with MCR of course)

So I've spent my days listening to Amanda Palmer, practicing piano (I now have piano lessons!), working in the art room during my drawing and painting class 1st period and any off period I have, re-reading Twilight for the tenth time, and going home and watching an episode of Twin Peaks a night. (Of course I have also been following Pushing Daisies.)

I thought you all deserve an update of sorts and just an explanation as to where I've been. Hopefully I'll be able to get on a bit more frequently now.

Justine.