Day 196

Oh, how complicatedly simple life is.
Contradictory doesn’t even begin to explain that thought.

Waking up every morning is half the battle. Once you’re awake, it’s really only a matter of ritual, right? Showing up, putting one foot in front of the other, mindlessly slipping through the day whose only difference from the one before is the beginning letter – time slips by with ease.
Time that doesn’t heal, but numb. Numbness that alludes to an aura of normality that feels falsely effortless. Normality which allows one to function in an almost real way – real enough to fool the world, anyway.

Pretending is so easy.

196 days is a long time. Let’s face it, 196 of anything is a lot. Pancakes, shoes, giraffes, erasers – but days... feels like an infinite word. There’s always another one, and no way to stop it from happening. Forever.

I don’t believe in forever anymore.