The prep who would be something more...

I sat in my room trying to figure things out. It wasn’t fair, the world had to be out to get me. I’m that girl that you see with all the preps but you get the vibe she doesn’t belong there. Like there’s more to whom she is then the name on her shirt, or the way she wears her hair. The one who’s pretending to be a prep for the sake of her own sanity. In reality I would gladly burn these pointy toed shoes and throw on a pair of Chuck Taylor’s.
I wished I could blast all time low from my speakers instead of Hip-hop with my friend. For three long years I had been like this, pretending. In fact I had told my self so many times that who I was I had even started to believe it. I realize now that part of the reason I became a prep was to avoid the bulling, to become accepted. The other part was because I thought the guys would like me more. The problem was I don’t have any real friends, and all they guys are jerks. I’ve forgotten what real friends are like, and I don’t believe in love anymore.
But the choices I’ve made aren’t the problem. Up until now I’ve been able to forget all the problems that came with pretending. What’s changed?
I met this guy. He’s not a prep, and amazingly not a jerk. He took me out just to hang. With him I can just talk about anything, I can laugh and not worry about saying the right thing. His friends don’t care what I wear. With him I can be real. Who I really am. I love this. The only problem is Monday is coming, that means school, that means other people, that means being judged.
Oh God I wish preps could get along with emos. I wish the world wasn’t so twisted around what you look like. I don’t know if I’ll ever be allowed to be me… I just don’t know. If I fall for him what will they say? What will his friends say? Sometimes when I think about what they’ll say I can’t breath. But the idea of loosing this is almost as bad. I don’t know what to do, the worlds created a rift and I have to choose. Will I give up who I am for the sake of what they say? Or will I accept my fate and go for real happiness.