Essay for college, feedback?

Hi everyone (:

I'm at college doing a drama course, and I've been given a task to do for tomorrow, write a first draft for an essay about something, or someone, who changed your life...

So of course I had to write a very emotional essay about chris...

Comments and positive constructive feedback would be greatly appreciated as many tears went into this thing....

many thanks to anyone who comments <3

Morgan xoxox

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Worn me down.

I woke up the next morning, nervous and excited. I had been able to get to sleep, which I thought I wouldn’t have, I had thought I’d be too nervous for sleep. But I slept like a baby, dreaming of you, and your misty blue green eyes, your cute button nose, your black and red chin length hair that clung to your face, just like I wanted it to.

It had been exactly eleven ours since I asked you out through email the previous night. My hands were shaking as I signed in, contemplating what you’d say.

If I’m honest, I thought you would say yes. We got on so well, we always had a witty conversation at hand to brighten each other’s day, both through email or text and face to face, and there was a certain chemistry there. A spark. It was obvious, to everyone that we acted like a couple. There was an instant attraction there. The setting was perfect. We knew each other well enough that we could make the other smile and push each others buttons, but there was still mystery and intrigue there.

I was soon eating my words, as I read your reply.

“Wow, that has come as a bit of a surprise to me.

I think you are an amazing girl Sophie, I really do.
I do like you back by the way.

It's just a hard time for me, after 3 years of what turned out to be nothing but emptiness all I honestly want at the moment is to be single and 'care-free'.

We do get on really well, I can agree 100% with all that, I feel like I've known you for years, feels like I've grown up with you, we are rather close.

I really hope we will still be as close, I feel really bad though because I know deep down you'd want more than to be just friends.

But again the timing is just quite shit.

I'm sorry.”

I broke down immediately, obviously. Reading what you said over and over that day, breaking my heart more and more each time, as I felt what it was like to be chewed up and spat out.

I cried for most of that day, cursing my own arrogance to think you could have wanted me, and wishing, with all of my heart, that you had said yes. Oh how different I would have been feeling, with that one little word. If I had seen just that one word that morning, nothing more, nothing less, I would have been the happiest girl in the world.

My friends called me and we talked it out, they cried with me and said that you were a good guy, and that you’d done the right thing. Maybe so, maybe it was the right thing to do. But it broke my heart. It still does, after all this time, I’m still here crying when I think about that day.

The next week went by in a whirlwind of tears, hugs from all my friends, reassuring me that things would work out, for better or for worse.

It wasn’t long before I saw you again. You were dressed in a shirt and your hair was short. You looked older, more tired, and even more restrained. Except from an awkward hug at the beginning of the evening, we didn’t really speak, until later, when we stayed up all night together and walked to the church to watch the sunrise. You probably don’t even think of it, but I do. I’ll never forget.

There are so many things I’ve never forget about us. I’ll never forget the day we sat on the beach, and played guitar under the starts, I’ll never forget our very first kiss, I’ll never forget the day we turned from old flames into friends, I’ll never forget the very first time I met her.

I hate her and I hate what she’s made you. She manipulated you, and she betrayed you, yet you still run back to her. You were so much more complete without her, yet now you can’t live without her. She made you so distant. If it weren’t for her, maybe, just maybe, you would have had the faith, and the open mind, to see what it would have been like with us. But I know it’s too late now. Even though she’s gone again, her presence still looms over like a shadow.

I know you love me, but, unfortunately, it’s not in the way I want, and probably never will be. It’s hard to admit, but then so are a lot of things about our relationship. Like how you shut me out, then draw me back in, ignore me, then flirt with me, hug me when I’m down, then call me a drama queen.

The littlest things you do can make me melt inside, when you probably think nothing of them. From playing a song on your guitar you know I love, to sending me a broken heart on MSN when I say I hate you, to cheering me up when I feel my lowest, and jokingly asking me to marry you. Are these things you say to everyone? Or are these little inside jokes sacred to us? Is there truth in every gist?

Marry me… I would in a minute, if you were serious. But I have the closure to see you’re not.

I hope one day, I find the strength to read this to you, and that you find the strength to accept it and forgive me. You can’t help who you love, and if I got over it once, I can get over it again. Just look me in the eye and tell me for sure this time, Yes, or no.

I had a dream about you the other night. You came to my house, and you held me closer than ever, and the hug turned into a kiss. I ran my hands through your short faded brown hair, traced your cute button nose with my own and stared deep into your misty blue green eyes. It felt so real, that when I woke up in the morning, I broke down in tears, knowing that it wasn’t true. You were a totally different person in that dream. You were comfortable with yourself, and you were totally content with trying hard to make me happy. You put all your effort into making me smile, like I do with you, every single day.