a slap to the face... A stab to the heart.

Nothing in this world will help me decide what I'm going through.
I mean...
Maybe you guys who read this can help me out.
But, I'm not asking for much.
Just a word or two.

Okay...
So I have really low self-esteem...
And I think I'm the ugliest thing in the world.
I keep telling my bestest friend Kevin that there is no one out there for me.
I feel helpless.
I feel...
Unwanted.

There is this guy who I have a crush on.
We've done more than usual friends do.
I really like him.
He's not great looking.
But he's got a great personality.

I feel like getting my blade and just break some skin.
But I don't want to.
I'm scared of life.
I'm scarred.

My best friend Tom has some girlfriend who I had no problem with.
Until she started talking shit and all this other crap.
He yells at me for telling her off.
Him yelling at me was like a slap to the face...
A stab to the heart.

I've been straight edge for more than two months.
It is Withdrawl?
What?
I've been sooo fucking sad...
So fucking mad...
But all I ever do is paint a world everyone else wants to see.
Me happy.
I slap on a fake smile.