My Day So Far (Like It'll Last)

So yeah, I'm not in a good spot right now. I keep trying to put a true smile on my face but all i can do is put on another lie. It seems to me that lies are what i'm best at. So far i've been lying to myself that i'm ok and i keep lying to myself that he'll ever like me. it seems like my destiny for love is nothing. There is nothing i can do right now to help me. no one seems to truly understand just how i feel. I can't do this to myself. But thats the problem i am. I keep doing it. Every chance i'm alone. i keep coming back to it. i don't know why but it seems instead of moving forward i'm walking backwards. I feel so alone. more alone then i've ever felt in my whole life. I realize that this is it. This is the last chance i have to ever truly be happy in highschool. I am so over this bull shit. it feels like no ones really listening to me. Today just about oh lets say 5 minutes ago i was sitting in a corner with one ear piece in listening to just a random assortment of music and not one friend came to find me. Not even him. None of them. It was like i was dead. they all just laughed and had a great time but not me. i feel like shit. I look like shit. I don't even feel warm at all.I've been wearing hoodies and long sleeved shirts like crazy now. Well thats it i guess. not like anyone will read this anyway.Except for my friends on this side of the computer. But hey thats life right. no one ever said we'd have happy endings.