Looks Like Someone's Over His Ex

So, there's this kid I know. Let's call him Josh. And I kinda like him. My friend, Sar, knows this. And she has a boyfriend.

Tonight at Tunnels (Haunted Tunnels we're working at for Halloween), after we closed up, my friends and I were out on the hill (the tunnels are underneath a church (they were dug during the French and Indian war) that is built on a huge hill in our town). And Josh kissed Sar. Then they started making out.

I was like what the hell. But I didn't really care. See, when I saw it, I didn't feel anything. And it wasn't like a numb, hurt not feeling anything, it was more just 'hey look Sar's making out with Josh even though she has a boyfriend. kinky'.

The pain didn't set in until later, and it wasn't emotional distress. It was more the hits that my already low self-esteem took tonight. The fact that the boy chose my best friend over me is what stung. The rejection.

It got me thinking. She's prettier than I am. She's definitely thinner than I am. She's cuter than I am, and I don't mean physically (even though she is), I mean more her character. Anyway, whatever it is that makes boys like you, she has it, and I don't.

That's what gets me. I hate it. I have no boy experience. None at all. I've never gone on a date, never been asked out, never had a boyfriend, never kissed anybody. And I'm starting to think that I'm never going to get anything.

I know this sounds like normal teenage girl stuff, like 'ehmagawd, she's fifteen with no boyfriend, she's never gonna get any guy'. It's more like I'm strange, I'm a nerd, I'm not traditionally pretty, and I know that no guy is going to accept it.

That's what stings.