I Will Pull the Trigger

I was doing so well. I could think about you and not cry. I could look at pictures of you and not cry. I could hear your name and not cry. What happened? You're plaguing my thoughts now. I'm sitting outside on the concrete, alone, so people can't see me bawling my eyes out. I miss you. I wish you were still here. I want to see your face again, hear your voice saying my name, see your smile light up your face. I never will again. And that's what hurts the most: missing you, crying for you, but knowing none of this will bring you back. Why you? Why the greatest ones? Why the ones people need the most? I want you to know that I never wanted you to go. I want you to know that if I could, I'd take your place.

I heard a song by Flyleaf that totally sums up how I feel:

sometimes I'm a selfish fake, you're always a true friend, I don't deserve you cuz I'm not there for you, please forgive me again.
I wanna be there for you someone you can come to runs deeper than my bones, I wanna be there for you. I wanna be there for you
swirling shades of blue, slow dancing in your eyes, the sun kisses the earth, and I hush my urge to cry
I wanna be there for you, someone you can come to, runs deeper than my bones, I wanna be there for you, I wanna be there for you
'cause I hear the whispered words, in your masterpiece beautiful, you speak the unspeakable through, I love you too
I wanna be there for you, someone you can come to, I wanna be there for you, and be someone you can come to, the love runs deeper than my bones, I wanna be there for you

It's only fitting with how I feel. The one person I needed the most, is now gone. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you. Please forgive me again.

iloveyouimissyou