The Notebook Of Doom as they call it.

Sunday July 2nd 2008,
I cant take it! This family drives me insane! They just know how to get in my head, and rip apart my soul!
Ugh, list of shit?
1.Grandfather - about dead.
2.^Hes the only person who ever cared for em.
3.Jeffery thinks hes my "father" sorry your my brother.
4.Mom and Dad - PATHETIC drunks.
5.Shit Talkers about me.
6.FIGHTS with me and FRIENDS.
7.None of my friends EVER cared.
8.Me and boyfriend David... all bad.
9.What the fuck plans do i have for the future?
10.People make up shit, and try to say they know ME
11.Life keeps fucking me over.
12.GOD FUCKING HATES ME; but i guess he has a reason. eh?
13.The cuts don't die down.
14.I'm letting my family die.

WHY CANT HE JUST LEAVE! YOUR NOT MY FATHER!
I have no parents they were murdered years ago.

I wish i could take a million pills and just fall asleep forever. I don't wanna stay here. People don't like me, I've even tried to change? But its harder than you think I cant pull it off. I CANT be happy i CANT make friends, I AM DONE..
"Memories of this broken home, does alcohol and abuse count?"
I have nothing good to remember about this shit hole, this haunted home.
"I wanna be somebody else-"
THATS ALL, just pick me up and get rid of me. I'm tired really no longer can i sleep? my eyes feel like anchors but wont let me go to sleep.
"I'm my own worst enemy-"

I'm sorry its come down to this, Fake mother, Fake father - I cannot handle it. Fake brother, Fake sister - I CANT TAKE THIS. Ugh your all so damn relentless. I hate it, why cant i just pop, cut, or even shoot my life away? Yah know? So badly i just want to throw it all away; Commit another suicide just to please HIM. Just to please you, just to please the crowd.
Lost control of myself, SO lonely, so lost in my own thoughts. I cant even grab for help, I'm under the water and i CANT get back to shore. Fake fxcking family don't bother pretending to care, don't try and "help" cause i know your all a lie. All i need is a smile and a "good" mood. Too bad on the inside I'm breaking down and cant stop bleeding.
It feels like the sky is falling. Cant get out, trapped in this box, lost all contact with the world. I'm hurting so much more as minutes pass by. It feels so false, like I'm not really even alive, Ugh, why cant i just get the guts to stand up? Really, i piss myself off.
Fuck this.